


The Evolution of Keeler

by Kapla_Quail



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Disabled Character, Childhood Friends, Disabilities, First Love, First Meetings, Friendship, Hair, I'm Bad At Tagging, Keeler is a sunshine, Keeler's back story, M/M, Multi, Sorry it's epic, bisexual Keeler, earth customs are cruel, genius Keeler, war is cruel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 02:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 29,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15962435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kapla_Quail/pseuds/Kapla_Quail
Summary: This is the story of how Keeler's life might have been before he became Lieutenant on the Sleipnir.„Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.“ (Marie Curie)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> „A delicate white hand on Ethos's shoulder, eyes the color of a clear summer sky, a loose braid barely darker than his white tank top. A kind smile.  
> Thanks, whoever you are. And damn, you're pretty.“  
> phyrestorm: The Praxic View, chapter 16
> 
> Yeah, this is Keeler: the sweet, sweet Lead Navigator in the Starfighter Webcomic. Not only is he beautiful, he is a loving, caring and genuinely affectionate person in an otherwise hostile, cold and violent space world. Right from his appearance, I was smitten.
> 
> Yet there is much about „spacemom“ we don’t learn in the comic, so I started to wonder: How was his life before he became a Lieutenant? Where is he from, what kind of place was it he never wanted to go back to again?
> 
> Now these are my ideas about it. Never having written fanfiction before, I apologize in advance for my probably strange English and my non-existent knowledge about astronautics. I also don’t know anything about the military. And I’m not very much into porn, so there will be very few sexy moments in my story... sorry not sorry.
> 
> Many random facts about the characters have become canon for me but belong originally to the amazing fanfiction authors I took the liberty of borrowing them from, with phyrestorm (The Praxic View), GoodyearTheShippyCat (The Things We Share) sparkly_things (Meteor Shower) and asocialconstruct (Someone Else’s Problems) leading the way. Your works are so good, everyone should go read them immediately. They really have enriched my life and in my opinion, they deserved to be printed!
> 
> Now I hope you enjoy my story.
> 
> A teaser for those of you not so Keeler-minded as me: Cain and his sister will make some unexpected appearances in the course of the plot...

Erik was the first child to a wealthy earth university professor and an architect. Since the 22nd century, genetic modifications were done routinely on embryos before birth to enhance their intellectual potential as well as their cultural value, so Erik’s parents, like every other, payed a lot of money to allow their first son the best starting conditions possible. Unfortunately, something went wrong. It became very clear seconds after his birth, when his small heart stopped for the first time and he needed immediate surgery. His mother, of course, was devastated, but she didn’t let too much time pass to recover from this shock. 

According to earth custom, the culprit in such cases was the father of the child. So Erik’s mother had every right to get rid of him and start breeding with someone genetically more reliable – what she promptly did. Being of impeccable descent, she managed to hook herself a widowed, prestigious factory owner and begot triplets soon after Erik’s first birthday. This time, everything went just perfectly. So mother Larsson, now Brönserud, was rehabilitated by three genetically flawless babys, two boys and a girl. 

Technically, it wouldn’t have been neccessary to enlarge this apparently perfect family now. But even on earth it was not always possible to prevent accidents, so another set of triplets saw the light of the day when Erik was four.  
How was Erik’s life in this extended family? It most certainly wasn’t an unhappy one. Of course Erik had to be kept hidden from anyone except the closest members of the family. Only the most anarchistic parents took genetically flawed children out of the house with them for everyone to see. For the distinguished Brönseruds, this was no possibility. So Erik grew up mostly inside the snug villa and it’s garden. But despite his recurring cardiac problems and periods of sickness, he led a happy and careless life - and this was mostly due to his siblings. 

Erik had a natural gift in dealing with children. He attracted them effortlessly, delighted in their company and showed an almost inhumane patience in everything where kids were concerned. This natural understanding for the way children felt and thought did show very early in Erik’s personality. So his mother, naturally overchallenged with seven kids in such a short lapse of time, was mostly really glad to have Erik around, although she would never have verbalized it like that. Erik played with his siblings, fed them, taught them to crawl, to walk, to speak and to do nonsense, and whilst doing this he never stopped shining with happiness.

On top of that, Erik was beautiful. He was rather small and very skinny, but had an ideally fair complexion, sparkling light blue eyes and almost white eyebrows and hair. He maybe was the most beautiful of all the Brönserud-children, apart from his surgical scars of course. But needless to say, his mother never would have told him so. Instead, she ran after him constantly reminding him of his flawed health condition. „Erik, please, easy does it! Don’t overexcert yourself or you will faint again! You’re not allowed to play horse with Stina, Tina and Kaare longer than ten minutes! Remember to stop when you feel that tingling!“ 

Of course, Erik played horse as long as he wanted with them, and when he fainted, he got by with it. It was literally impossible to trouble Erik’s peace of mind. He was able to be sad, though, but this he never let anybody notice. He avoided thinking about the topics that made him feel like this. The hottest contender was the topic called „my future“.

When Erik turned 13 years old, his heart condition suddenly worsened again and the delicate boy could guess in advance that something was going to loom over him now. Until now, Erik had been homeschooled along with his siblings by a discreet student and his mother would have left that unchanged, even when Erik started to show some remarkable scientific talents and the poor girl sometimes couldn’t keep up with him. But with his impairing health and a coming and going of medics in her house, mother Brönserud somewhat feared discovery of Erik, the family-secret, and the gossip of her whole social circle. So it was decided that her eldest son should move into a special children’s home for the genetically flawed, which tacitly existed in every town on earth and where medical care would be provided for him around the clock. The best one was chosen: the Mother’s Little Starlets Childrens Home, a charitable institution.


	2. Chapter 2

With his relocation into this home Eriks life changed in many ways. First of all, he lost his six brothers and sisters which he had loved to pieces and which literally had been his centre of life. Now he was supposed to share a room with a foreign boy, who was missing his legs into the bargain, and live in an assisted community with other children that were genetically far worse off than him. Most of them, at least. His said roommate, ten year old Jian Guo, really could not hide his disability, which was also true for Jasmin, an otherwise beautiful, oriental looking girl whose half face was covered almost completely by a red haemangioma. Some of the other children in the home were bed-ridden or blind. But there were also some kids whose only misfortune consisted in having inherited some age-old ancestor’s colonial looks – a stigma especially hard to bear amidst a perfectly pale earth family. 

Earth ways of thinking were really simple sometimes: What didn’t fit in was locked up. And because arguing or singing the blues wasn’t Eriks thing at all, he decided to fit into his new home and his new family and let Mother guide his way as she always had hitherto.

On his first evening in his new home, Erik listened to the ragged breaths of Jian Guo who was lying in his bed on the other side of the room, next to a chair with his prostheses on it. As long as there had been daylight, Erik hadn’t felt homsick. The kind, young nurses and doctors, the thrilling talks with the other children and the lovingly decorated, colourful rooms had distracted him. But everywhere on earth the sun went down at one point.   
„Jian Guo, what’s wrong?“, Erik asked his new roommate, but he was depressed himself. After a long pause, interrupted through some quiet sobs, the younger boy answered him.  
„I miss Abdul. I’ve always been in a room with him and now he’s in intensive care...Maybe he dies. And you are here.“   
Erik felt his heart ache. He hopped out of his bed to pitter-patter over to Jian Guo, on whose bed he sat down.   
„I’m very sorry“, Erik said gravely. Then he simply remained silent with him a little bit, before ultimately asking: „Hey, what do you want to be when you‘ re grown up?“ Jian Guo seemed to be startled, for he stopped sobbing.   
„I want to be a spaceman“, he said decidedly. Erik was thrilled.  
„Really? Me too! Say, did you read „Deepspace pirates“ by Commander Choi? It’s the one where they build up the first Mars colony.“  
Jian Guo smiled a bit, but of course Erik couldn’t see it. „Yes, I did! So great, when they run out of fuel and then find this abandoned Colteron mine...“  
„The pilot was a real hero! I hope so much they make a movie of this!“  
So they chatted along until Jian Guo had quite forgotten his pain. When Erik asked in the end if he should lie down next to him, the younger sighed with relief and almost pulled Erik into the bed. And when Sarah, the beautiful colonial nurse found them together like this the next morning, she was really touched by the sight.

In the Mother’s Little Starlets Childrens Home, all kids were raised in the spirit of mother. This meant loving kindness, understanding, help and acceptance of everyone, and traditions like sending voice messages to Mother every evening were an integral part of the childrens‘ lifes in the home. The nurses and doctos were so kind, patient and beautiful, there was laughter and fun all day long as the children could roam amongst the buildings as they liked.   
The ward physician, Dr. Kerll, was everyone’s secret crush as the children orbited him. Erik had the luck of getting much attention by him for the reason that shortly after his arrival in the home he had to undergo another heart surgery that confined him to the intensive care unit for many weeks. But under Dr. Kerll’s encouraging words, Erik recovered quickly and well. The operation had been successfull, and his additional medication allowed him to live a relatively carefree life now, without seizures, only some big scars on his breast being the reminder of his disease.

Secretly, Erik was convinced the tall, blond, dynamic Dr. Kerll came to visit him more often than the other patients during his recovery because he was especially attracted to Erik. But Erik, too, attracted people, younger and elder than him, with his caring nature and angelic looks. The teachers that taught the inmates daily in small groups were enthusiastic about Erik, mostly because of his technical abilities and mental calculation. But even if Erik was the best pupil of all of them, he wouldn’t put up with anybody falling behind. Edification had the utmost importance in the Mother’s Home. And because it didn’t fall into the other one’s laps as it did in Erik‘s, the kids sat toghether with him in the common room many an evening, revising school topics before turning to other activities.

Of course working for school isn’t the only thing teenagers do, and Erik was no exception here. The slender, oriental princess called Jasmin quickly became his person of interest, and surprisingly it was the same way the other way round. It didn’t take long and both were madly in love with each other, and despite not doing a single step without the other during the day they felt they never had enough time together. In an assisted community like the home, it was especially difficult to find some private space where one could possibly share a first kiss without spectators. Erik, with his never ending inventiveness, found a solution. He hacked the electronic doorlock of one of the leisure rooms so it could only be opened from the inside, and then he spend endless evenings on the sofa with Jasmin, sometimes watching movies and eating chocolate, but most of the time just looking into each other’s eyes and exploring every centimetre of the other’s body with all the patience of a first love.


	3. Chapter 3

Then the day came on which war affected the Mother’s Home, too. The Colteron-attack on Mars orbital station was everywhere on the media - impossible to protect the children from the nightmarish images of destroyed cities and burnt down landscapes on which the Frontier wreckages had fallen. Crying children, the vacant colonial eyes of their mothers, corpses, coffins – this was another world, another reality that suddenly befell the home inmates. 

„Why...why whould they do this?“, little Min-Ji cried while watching the recent coverage from Mars.  
„The Colterons? They say Mars is their’s, that it’s holy ground“, blind Thierry explained.  
„Their’s? Since when? Humans live there!“  
„Since the 22nd century“, Erik answered. „The Colteron God Takka appeared on Mars then, and therefore they worship the planet.“  
„But can’t they just tell us humans so? Do they simply have to kill all people up there?“, Min-Ji rose up.  
„Well...They are no humans. For them, we’re just bugs like they are bugs for us.“  
„But what kind of God do they have if he doesn’t tell them to accept other creatures?“  
„Min-Ji, sweetheart, calm down“, Erik said and wrapped the little girl in his arms. „This war is already going on for a long time. We can be happy they didn’t get close to Earth much earlier.“  
„We have to do something“, Jasmin said thoughtfully. „Did you see those children? Their eyes? It could be us.“ She gulped. „We have to help them.“  
„How do you want to help them? The Frontier was there to protect them, and now that it’s down the Alliance has to strike back, that’s the only way to help.“  
„The Alliance! That’s it!“, Erik exclaimed. Jian Guo was enthusiastic, too.  
„Yeah, that’s it! We have to join the Alliance!“  
Thierry winced. „Come on, you know they only take immaculate people there. Even if we were old enough, we couldn’t simply pitch up there and say hi!“  
Jasmin shrugged, but smiled dreamily. „But for sure Erik would make a fine navigator, smart and blond as he is.“ And she poked him in the bony ribs. Erik, sixteen years old then and still madly in love with Jasmin, blushed as deeply as never before, so vivid a contrast to his almost white hair.   
„I want to be a navigator, too“, Jian Guo said, somewhat sadly.   
„Hm, maybe you could be“, Erik stated, not willing to drop this topic. „I mean, we all could be. Maybe we could make this work! What do you think about primping our starfighter drone...and then inviting some Alliance officer and show him what we can do? The thing is great, do you remember how we sent it to fetch us chocolate from the shop? I bet some officer would love to see our tricks!“  
Erik beamed about his idea and fidgeted for his datapad immediately. Nurse Sarah suddenly engaged in the talk, too, joking: „No intelligent officer could ever ignore such potential as he finds in our Mother’s home! Come along, Erik, dear, let’s look for some contact together.“   
Her offer was ecstatically accepted.

The officer really came. He was, to be exact, a Lead Navigator Assistant of the Federated Alliance who wanted to be called by his task name, Arsis, and his baby blues as well as his impressive white uniform made Erik nearly swoon. He sure was the most handsome man after Dr. Kerll, Erik thought, and he couldn’t help staring at this fascinating white vision. Jasmin, who until now knew Erik’s body almost better than her own due to frequent tutorials noticed this and fought hard against a hitherto unknown feeling - jealousy. 

Firstly, LNA Arsis held a little lecture for all home inmates in the rec room, explaining the history of the Alliance and the exact circumstances of the Colteron attack which created much turmoil among the kids. Nevertheless, Arsis patiently answered every question the children had, but sometimes he seemed to smile at them somewhat pitifully, and Jasmin couldn’t suppress how much she hated that. 

After his lecture, Arsis sat down with the elder kids to show them pictures and videos of everyday life on a battleship on his datapad. As planned, Erik and Jian Guo fetched their self-built starfighter drone that was modificated by Erik even more now so it could even distribute pills. LNA Arsis was much amused by this curious UAV, and after many discussion and scrolling on the datapad he gave the boys hints how to specialize it even further by changing the configuration.   
Erik’s face showed a constant blush of excitement as he debated with Arsis, but he didn’t faint, hadn’t fainted at all ever since his last surgery, and with his white complexion and hair he looked like a happy, enchanted angel. Jasmin, despite her aversion against the LNA, enjoyed seeing her boyfriend like this. Now wonder, he was beautiful. And maybe there was hope for him, at least for him, to leave his disease behind permanently. Maybe he could even join the Alliance and get the life and the career he surely deserved. Jasmin loved and admired Erik, and even in a blessed place like the home, it seemed to her like a miracle to have such a special person love her the same way back.


	4. Chapter 4

The nursing home was hell. There were fine doctors, of course, decent food, too, and everything was sterile, white and unadorned, just like earth-people liked it. But food and clean surroundings don’t make a life worth living. And in Erik’s case, it was quite the contrary .

Erik had turned 17 and this was the age from which on children were not allowed to live in charitable homes any more as they were regarded as adults now in earth society. For disabled individuals, to which Erik counted in earth’s opinion, there now were two ways to spend their lives. The first was to find some employment in a place where the disability didn’t bother much. Specifically, that meant: going to the colonies as some paltry development aid worker to clean up the shit war had left up there. This way of living was the outlook for disfigured, but bodily intact people like Jasmin. The other way was for the bodily flawed individuals and basically meant nothing else than being locked up in some nursing home for the rests of their (earthly seen) useless lives. What didn’t fit in, was locked away, earth’s simple way of thinking. Erik knew that. He had been raised and taught to believe it, so he hadn’t revolted much against his relocation. But once he was there in his new home, alone, he couldn’t conceal in front of himself that it somehow felt wrong.

Erik was still young. His heart was feeble, but he was not bedridden at all. Most of the other inhabitants were far worse off than him, unable to ever leave their beds, genetically flawed to an extent that made them dependent on 24-hours-monitoring. But Erik wasn’t like them. So in the beginning, he felt quite free and wandered around in the buildings, in the gardens, he even made little excursions to town, to the library or to the riverside. But after some weeks, he understood that there was no sense in this kind of distraction, for what pleasure was it to wander alone without anybody to talk? There was not a single fellow human being Erik was allowed to have contact to. There was a directorial order that obliged to avoid contact to other inmates in the asylum generally for the fear of spreading germs. The inmates were kept strictly separate one from another, and visitors were disliked to be seen. It didn’t take Erik long to understand that this asylum was nothing else than a prison – a prison from which nobody was expected to be released again.

Of course there was still the Enternet and it WAS allowed to have at least some virtual contacts to people outside the nursing home. So Erik and his love Jasmin had at least a chance to see each other after what had been a lachrymose farewell in the Mother’s home. But seeing Jasmin even added to Erik’s feeling of loneliness. The reason was: Jasmin didn’t live on earth any more.

Very soon after her 17th birthday, she had mounted an interplanetary rocket with a one-way ticket to Mars, Colony III. The evening she arrived up there, she was overwhelmed with all the new impressions.  
„Mars is totally not like earth!“, she told Erik via videochat. „You can’t imagine how cold it is here. It’s eternal winter! Sometimes there are periods without snow, they say, but most of the time it’s snowing. It’s like winter wonderland - but without the glitz, believe me. Our shacks here are really primitive, we’re a gang of women-workers, but each of us has their own little flat, which is cool. Did I tell you about food here already?“  
Erik shook his head.  
„Now imagine, they have to grow all their fruits and vegetables in greenhouses – of course, the soil outside is always frozen. But what they grow are really strange plants, I have never sen them before and I don’t know their names, because they are Russian. You know, most of the people here speak Russian. I have to learn it quickly, if not, I’ll be lost. But you don’t really notice that it‘s an artificial atmosphere up here. There’s a shield somewhere up in the sky to keep the oxygen on the planet, but you don’t see it. You really don’t see much. It’s like a white desert planet. But the sundowns are blue.“  
„What’s the name of your town, love? Can you receive parcels?“  
„Oh, the address is Colony III, New Volga, women’s work camp I. Parcels take over a month, I heard...But you can send money, though, it’s said to work pretty fast. Most things here are only to get on the black market, and chocolate...I’m going to miss that stuff so much, there’s no chocolate up here! Babe, how am I going to survive?“

This was a question Erik asked himself over and over again. He was a social person, he grew up in a really big, noisy family and later in an even bigger one in the Mother’s home. He had been loved by his girlfriend and grown accustomed to their intimacies, accustomed to feel the touch of a fellow being and be sheltered in it’s warmth and tenderness. He also had been taught to acquire knowledge, to read, to learn, to grow to a useful member of society – only to be ripped out of this illusions by the reality of being a disgrace one had to hide.

This, in fact, was worse for him: to lack the structure of day that school had provided him. In the nursing home, there was no occupation of any kind and Erik withered like a desiccated flower. With days, weeks and months passing randomly and empty, he lost his motivation in anything, but at some point, he didn’t notice it any more. Depression had taken over. Erik took to sitting on his bed, staring out of the barred window and fading away slowly to become the bedridden patient he was supposed to be. He started growing his fine white hair, so fumbling with it would keep him busy when his depression was worst and besides remembered him of Jasmins brown waves. The two videochatted as often as possible, and Jasmin even continued her narratives about Mars life when Erik had stopped commenting a long time ago. Being separated from Jasmin made Erik feel like the last remainder of himself had gone missing. Erik all too clearly remembered the velvety touch of her skin, her low soft voice whispering in his ear, her kisses. He wished so much to be with her again. But he was locked up in this white cage and paralyzed by the hopelessness of it. 

Nontheless he sent his prayers to Mother every night to save him from this cell, this trap, this senseless live in which he could do absolutely nothing to fulfill the big Motherly plan. His faith in Mother had ever been his source of strenght. He was sure she would signal him a way out, she always had. He just had to wait.  
And one day Jasmin’s beautiful, marked face appeared on his datapad-screen, blurred because of the bad connection to Colony III., but her almond eyes sparkling in her narrow face.   
„Erik! I’ve got an idea!“, she exclaimed.

Erik had spent almost a year like a dead man. But from the moment he awoke, everything went really fast. Erik contacted his mother and told her he had decided to move to the colonies as development aid worker just like Jasmin (which was a perfectly reasonable decision, the high atmospheric pressure on Mars ideal to calm his heart and prevent seizures). He explained her she only needed to spend money for him one last time to allow him to transfer there and get his new life started - no monthly pensions anymore and finally a happy , careless life for her. She immediately agreed, although a bit worried. Wouldn’t the flight to Mars overstrain Erik’s heart? Wouldn’t he be crushed under the heels of lowlife colonists immediately? Wouldn’t he be lonely up there?   
Erik had laughed bitterly about her ignorance. Of course he couldn’t tell her the truth, he could not disclose his real plans that were of a quite different nature. Telling his mother what he really had in mind would have meant to reveal a deceit, and this she never would have accepted.   
Because in reality, Erik would try to make his old dream come true and join the Alliance. Jasmin had told him they urgently needed navigators now the war became substantial, and what would be a better job for Erik and his brain? Earth might be losing this war, but Erik had nothing to lose. And he had every capability they could wish for, of that Jasmin was very sure. 

So Erik had worked out his future. Once he managed to enter the Alliance, he would earn money as a trainee immediately, and because he was a person without great needs, he promised to send every spare yen to Jasmin who was literally starving in the outposts of colonial lowlife. Should Eriks attempt to flee the asylum go wrong, he would do what he’d said and part for Colony III to starve there, too. Better to starve in body than in heart, Jasmin had said.  
So Erik wrote to LNA Arsis who had visited them in the Mother’s Little Starlets Home years ago. To his surprise, the man remembered him and his optimized toy-starfighter and was delighted Erik wanted to join the Alliance, now that he was eighteen. Erik hadn’t been able to attend one of the Alliance’s special preparation colleges, though. But Arsis, now promoted to Lead Navigator on some other battleship, was convinced Erik would manage the entrance exam just like this (what, to be honest, wasn’t a very realistic expectation coming of a Lead Navigator). This and the fact that the LN thought of him as healed and dismissed from medical care made Erik gulp hard. But he clung to the thought of Jasmin, her gorgeous, dark almond eyes, her soft brown skin, their secret plan and Mother, of course, and he decided to go for it. He notated the date of the next entrance exam on his datapad, downloaded every book about Alliance Technique available on the Enternet and made the remaining months fly away through intensive lecture, daylong study and even gentle sport to add at least some muscles to his small, bony frame. He gave his days a structure by himself now and kept himself so busy he had not much time to ponder. And one day, Erik got up, went to the office and settled his farewell from the only place he ever had been to that had made him deeply unhappy.


	5. Chapter 5

Erik was nervous like hell when he took the gliding train to the huge Alliance barracks complex north of the town. It had been month since he had left his room for the last time, let alone the structure of the asylum. Now he was on his way through the whole town to a crazy mission that resembled a suicide commando. But Erik wouldn’t have been Erik if he hadn’t got to know some other exam candidates in the train already, easy to recognize by the Alliance star on their white hoodies, and thus at least didn’t have to face his suicide alone. 

His new comrades were some of the privileged pupils from the Alliance Preparation Academy, and for them the upcoming exam was nothing more than the next step in their perfectly organized career. Erik hated lying, but had to make up some story about his home and parents when the others were interrogating him. He was delighted to hear, though, what the other three boys had to tell about their past years as Alliance cadets. They showed him films on their datapads, shared their chocolate bars with him and told him secret stories about the officers and commanders that made Erik laugh tears. Only now he realized that it had been months since he last had laughed, and he felt a security deep inside his heart that „these distracted times“ were over and gone for good. 

Erik made plans with Marek, Herbert and Jacques, his new comrades, what to do first once they succesfully entered the Federated Alliance, and even what to do once they would be stationed out in space.  
„ I finally want to see some fighters“, Jacques stated decidedly. „I can’t wait until I get one assigned after the final thesis. I want to get to know one immediately!“  
„I’m pretty sure of that“, Marek smirked. Erik wondered why there was always such a lot of fuss about the fighters. Sure, they were a crucial part of the Alliance’s fighter-navigator-system. But the colonial kids he had known hitherto had, except their foreign looks, been quite normal kids all in all. Why were his new friends so fascinated about the colonials? Was there more to the fighter-navigator-pairing than the Alliance depicted in her commercials?   
„We won’t see fighters until in our third year“, Herbert explained. „But what we’ll see before is space. You knew that we’ll have training flights to the Ragnarök starbase already in the second year?“   
„Yeah, I knew. But as for me, I’m looking forward most to getting into the labs and doing research. I dream of making the starfighters more nimble, there must be a possibility of achieving this“, Erik said. This comment led to a very long discussion about the current starfighter drives, in which Erik’s insight in the topic impressed the others more than they wanted to admit.  
„You’re a clever little thing“, Marek said thoughtfully, eying Erik up and down. „When we enter the Military, I first and foremost want to dress your lovely hair for you. Do you want to keep it open like that in the Alliance? Maybe a little braid would suit you very well. Does it work already?“   
As Marek leaned over to caress Erik’s white strands,the latter’s heart made a hurtful jump. After all the intimacy with Jasmin, Erik had endured one whole year without the slightest touch by any fellow human being. For a touchy-feely person like him, this had been particularly hard, and now that he felt Marek’s caress he couldn’t hide that he was craving for physical contact. Erik was tempted to close his eyes in rapture, but stopped himself forcefully. Marek was a tall boy, not elegant, rather sturdy and very muscular, with short, messy hair. Like Dr. Kerll, like LN Arsis, like the men I have a fancy for, Erik thought. It was just at the moment when Herbert asked:  
„Erik, do you have a girlfriend?“   
Marek draw back his hand, smiling mischievously. Eriks face lit up immediately.  
„Yes, I have. Her name is Jasmin.“  
„Oh, show us a foto, show us a foto!“, Jacques cajoled.  
„Sure“, Erik agreed and ransacked his bag for his datapad. Quickly he scrolled through the images in his gallery, looking for a picture of Jasmin that hid her blemish. In the heat of the moment, he didn’t have time to think about the meaning of this reflex. The truth was, he couldn’t have borne the pitying looks of the other boys.  
„Here, that’s her“, Erik said, handing the pad around. The others pushed to see an image of Jasmin in profile, an enamoured smile playing around her lips, the disfigured half of her face hidden in the shadows.  
„Oh wow“, Jacques exclaimed, „You have a colonial girlfriend!“  
Erik was completely taken by surprise and blushed again. „Er, no, she is not colonial. She’s from earth. She works at the colonies, though.“ Mother, he had to be more careful. Everyone knew that only challenged people did things like that! Erik had to forestall these conclusions.   
„You know, um, her parents are missionaries there. They spent some years on earth, and now they’re back there again.“  
„This must be really hard for her, living there with such a pretty face!“  
Erik gulped.  
„Must be hard for you, too, to know her at such a place“, Herbert added sensitively. Like the colonies were gomorrah...Erik hated the way they spoke about developing planets, but smiled nontheless, albeit distressedly.  
„Yeah, it is quite hard. I miss her very much. But when we’re stationed in space, at least Mars won’t be so far away any more. Maybe I can even visit.“  
Jacques interrupted: „Surely she won’t stay there until then?“  
Erik sighed painfully.  
„Ah, stop it, Jacques! Don’t you see how he’s suffering?“ With these words, Marek stroke Erik’s hand slightly.   
„Don’t you worry. You’ll see your princess again, I’m pretty sure.“  
Erik looked him in the blue eyes gratefully.

The train approached it’s final destination: the Federated Alliance’s barracks. As the four boys, three in white and one with white hair, packed their stuff together and descended, Erik’s aching heart led him to turn an unsolved question over and over in his head: How, how should he ever manage to enter the Alliance without passing the physical fitness test?

Erik stood at attention in front of the Technical Sergeant’s desk, elegant despite his civil clothes and erect despite his small size, studying the sitting blonde with big eyes. The young Sergeant looked up from his datapad, eyeing Erik, then smiling.   
„Recruit Brönserud?“   
„That’s me, sir“, Erik confirmed.   
„Very good. My name is Sergeant Becker. The Captain ordered me to speak with you about your results that are quite extraordinary. From which Preparational Academy are you from?“ He started scrolling on his pad. Erik blushed and smiled shily at the other man.   
„Er, from none, sir.“   
„But you did much programming before?“   
„I kind of experimented with medical technology“, Erik eluded. The Sergeant had found Erik‘s file by now and frowned.   
„You last lived in an asylum? How’s that?“ His unbelieving tone and shocked stare were excruciating. What choice did Erik have than to confess everything?   
„Yes, that’s correct. I grew up in a Mother’s charitable home, then had to move to an asylum when I became too old. But I spent only one year there. I... had several heart surgeries in my life. But I’m pretty fine now, sir.“   
„You look pretty fine to me“, the Sergeant confirmed bluntly and made Erik blush again. „Your exam results are, too. Captain say’s he’s never seen such creative yet effective solutions for the supplied problems. Your approaches have been exceptional, he wants you here. What shall we do with you now? Can you pass physical with your heart?“   
Erik smiled apologetically.   
The Sergeant nodded. „I thought so.“   
Erik hesitated a second before carefully asking:   
„How much is it, sir?“ Becker paused in surprise. Then he scrutinized Erik very earnestly.   
„It’s 2000 yen. And some additional expenses too, maybe...to have your personal data altered.“   
Erik nodded, remembered Marek’s stories about the officers and how his gentle hands had stroked his hair. He looked into Becker’s blue eyes.   
„May I pay in installments?“ And when the Sergeant hesitated for a moment, Erik added in lower voice:   
„I mean, the additional expenses.“ With that, he leaned over the table slightly to brush a dry kiss on the sitting man’s cheek. If matters worked like this in the Alliance, it was fine by him. He had nothing to lose considering his case history. However, Erik was in no condition to give everything at once.

When Erik left the office building, he met Herbert and Marek, waiting under the trees.   
„What did he want from you?“, Marek asked. Erik smiled brightly.  
„Well, he told me I passed!“  
„Congratulations!“, the other two exclaimed and patted Erik’s shoulders.  
„Well, thanks. But there’s a problem with physical. They have too many candidates in the moment, therefore I have do to the test sometime later. He will let me know.“  
„That sucks, but yeah, I heard they have some problems here with the coaches. I hope they let you start on schedule with the new semester, though. Would be a pity not to see you again!“

Erik spent the remaining weeks until the start of the term back in the asylum, what felt like going back to prison. But in contrast to his last year, his depression was now ruled out by excitement. He had an aim now. And in reading and preparing for his new life, Erik remembered the words of a famous ancient scientist he admired very much. She had said: „Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.“


	6. Chapter 6

Then finally the time had come for Erik to move into the Alliance’s barracks to begin his navigator formation (or, officially, fly to Mars to start over). He videochatted a last time with his mother and told his siblings goodbye, promised to send them gifts from Mars and cried like a baby while his mother repeated constantly that he should take care, not overexert himself, take his medication regularly etc. Afterwards Erik videochatted with Jasmin, crying still, but of happiness this time, touching her beloved features on the screen of his pad and promising to help her however he could. Then he packed his rucksack with his meager belongings as well as a sufficient supply of heart pills not available on Mars (the doctor had insisted on it), and off he was. Destination: A six-bunk dormitory and a factional study inhabited by blond boys in white uniforms, one of which now was Erik Brönserud.

The Alliance’s navigator formation was very versatile and the schedule let the recruits little free time. The classes Erik had to attend included machine dynamics, kinematic and kinetic, construction, technical drawing, informatics, thermodynamics and aerodynamics, drives, technical communication as well as mathematics for machine construction, only just to name a few. Additionally there was the flight training, at first in simulators and then, beginning in the second year, including excursions to space already. Gym courses were offered at the weekends, mostly yoga, soccer and volleyball, things earthlings preferred. And to keep the recruits busy, they also had the possibility to enroll in facultative classes like extraterrestrial chemistry or cryptology. Erik decided to study Colteron language and Collonial russian once a week as he wanted to keep up with Jasmin who spoke it already quite fluently after her first year on Colony III. 

As Lieutenant Arsis had foreseen, none of his subjects presented Erik with much difficulties. This wasn’t the case for many of his fellow students, though, so Erik ended up giving some friends extra lessons in the evening. It also became apparent quickly that Erik’s social aid was much in demand, too. When Galin, one of Erik’s roommates, was upset about him not being allowed to videochat every evening although he had two small children at home, it was Erik who took him to Lead Navigator Dreyfus to discuss the matter and achieved a happy end for the young father.

To tell the truth, Erik was on his legs from morning to night. But he had never enjoyed his life so much as now. He realized that the more tasks he had, the more energy he gained to accomplish them. And after the first weeks, he didn’t look pale and sickly any more but had become a happy, comitted, even chipper young man.

Of all subject’s, the flying lessons were what Erik loved most. The instructor, Lieutenant Cook, was an austere man around thirty, not very likeable at a first glance, but for Erik there was no reason to dislike anybody without really good reasons. Cook was hell of a pilot, as Erik quickly noticed, and he was eager to learn all those skills from him. 

The simulators the students used were big, white, rounded capsules with two seats, each of them in a separate compartment. One was for the fighter, that was not existent in the beginning and therefore empty, and the other for the navigator, who flew backwards, against the flying direction. Confusingly, the globular screen used for navigating was showing the image of space like it was lying ahead of the spaceship. Dealing with this fact was a big obstacle for the newbie navigators in their first flight classes, as well as the classic motion sickness against which dimenhydrinate pills were distributed. But once their minds and bodies had gotten used to the technique, the recruits were ready to fly their first little turns in artificial space.

At first they had to learn to stay in the required formation. Cook’s starfighter, the Eagle, was usually at the forefront, and the recruit’s ships followed him in V-formation to start with. Normally, the flying tasks and the image on the screen were guided by a computer programme. But one day, Cook decided to lead the formation using a simulator as well. Over the headphones in his helmet Erik heard the instructions he gave the ships within the formation. With his ship, the Cachalot, Erik was squeezed somewhere in the left wing of the V and did his best not to collide with his neighbours. 

Erik liked flying the Cachalot. He knew that it was named after a giant mammal that had lived in the oceans centuries ago, when the sea had still been more than empty waters. It felt great directing something so fast and powerful through the infinity of space, the speed and the exertion giving Erik thrills.   
As he tried to keep close to the red triangles on his screen, panting a bit and ignoring his unhealthy heartbeat, he suddenly heard alarmed screams and cursing over his headphones and then saw that three of the ships in the right wing had collided. This often happened when the navigators were still unexperienced, but although this only was simulation, the feelings of failure and disaster in such situations could get quite real. 

Erik was distracted, but tried to follow Cook’s orders and stay out of the way of the virtual debris flying around. Somehow he managed successfully, but his left neighbour didn’t. There was a multiple collision and while Erik was starting to slow down and awaiting Cook to stop this flight trial, he suddenly heard his snapped command: „Cachalot, follow!“ Then he realized that the Eagle and the Cachalot were the only ships left on the screen, two red triangles amidst the blackness of space and distant stars. 

Suddenly Erik forgot everything around him, felt like he connected with the machine and accelerated hazardously. The Eagle was just in front of him right now and steered him to crazy turns and manoeuvers they never practized before. Erik had difficulties to follow. His heart was racing and sweat started to pour on his forehead, he couldn’t understand the words of his comrades over the comm anymore, he was in a rush, only focused on one thing: Keep up, keep up, keep up.  
„Erik, are you nuts, what are you doing?“, Herbert shouted, sounding somewhat ecstatic. Pity, though, that Erik didn’t hear anything anymore. 

In the end, he lost control over the Cachalot when trying to follow Cook in a narrow turn and was suddenly arrowing with crazy speed straight forward into the nothing. Almost fainting in shock he clung to his screen desperately, ready to face death and realizing it was just simulation only when he saw a window pop up on his screen to tell him that this trial was cut short. 

Erik stared at the globe unbelieving. Completely carried away, shaking and panting, he covered his face with his hands and even started sobbing. He needed several moments to be able to breath and think normally again. But ah, to quickly his hatch was opened from the outside and he saw Cook’s face above him, as farouche and unreadable as always. „Well done, recruit Brönserud“, the Lieutenant said straightfaced and hopefully didn’t notice the bodily shape of his pupil.  
This crazy trial catapulted the Cachalot on the top of the rankings.

Thus Erik’s first months as an recruit passed like a blink of the eye. The different study disciplines and the strictly clocked daily routine made him run from class to class in a rush and fall to bed in the evening totally exhausted. Despite this stress, Erik managed to become friendly with every other recruit he had to deal with, yes in some cases it was even difficult to stick to his plan of avoiding too close relations to conceal his past. Especially Marek made it hard for Erik to retain his distance, as he felt drawn emotionally and physically to the polish recruit. 

In short, Erik Brönserud was a very happy member of the Alliance now. He would have forgotten a certain condition the Technical Sergeant had named, if not for a message from the office he one day received on his datapad. The sheer name of the Sergeant in the heading made his heart rate increase in an unhealthy manner, accompanied by a warning shortness of breath, reminding Erik of his famous flight simulation. But just like then, Erik managed not to faint this time, too. He steadied himself against the bunks a bit, while Marek, who was with him in the dorm, asked:   
„What’s wrong? Did you get an unpleasant message?“  
Erik regained his composure quickly. „Oh no, it’s just a message from the secretary’s office. They want to talk me into joining the navigator recruit’s council.“ Oh, to hell with the endless lying! But thank Mother, Marek bought into it. He was so adorable! And now he laughed:   
„I don’t think they need to talk you into that! You’re the ideal candidate, knowing the name of every goddamn navigator in this barracks after like six weeks!“  
Erik laughed, too: „Guess you’re right. I would like to join. I’ll go see the Sergeant and settle this quickly.“  
In the doorframe, Erik suddenly paused. „Marek“, he asked hesitantly, „Did you ever...“   
Marek gave him a questioning look. „Ever what?“  
But Erik fortunately stopped himself here before losing it completely and rushed out of the room. He really had to pull himself together better! Marek stared after him a little dazed. 

Erik left the dorm barrack and walked slowly through the park towards the office building where he was supposed to meet Sergeant Becker. When the secretary in the outer office had recorded his name and number, he was admitted to the Sergeant’s office in the rear. Erik’s face was as pale as clay. Now he had the result of what he had himself gotten into, no praying to Mother would get him out of this mess. As courageous as possible he walked into the room and up to Becker, who sat behind his desk, doing some paperwork. When the elder man looked up, Erik managed to stand in his usual elegant pose and even was able to show remnants of his endearing smile.   
„Sir?“, he said, and tried to approach Becker, but hesistated at the same moment, unsure of what was expected from him.   
Becker smiled. „Hi“, he said casually, got up and walked past the table towards Erik.   
Becker was tall and rather muscular for a navigator. With his blond bangs falling into his slightly tanned face he looked more like an athlete than a paper-pusher. His blue eyes rested on the skinny, puerile recruit in front of him, finding his eyes, wide and too big in the narrow face, and then, carefully, he planted a chaste, dry kiss on said boy’s lips. He smelled like coffee what made this kiss much different from Jasmin’s and Erik blushed a little about it.   
„Hi, beautiful“, Becker repeated, standing close. „How are you? How have your first weeks in the Alliance been? Do you get along?“   
„Thank you, sir, I’m very happy, and I like it very much here“, Erik said honestly. Becker put him off.  
„Ah, please, don’t ‚sir‘ me! I’m Thomas. And I’m glad you’re fine. I was worried a bit because of your health record...“  
Erik frowned. „Please, sir...Thomas...Don’t. Don’t worry about me, not like this. I was on my own for years, I really can take care of myself. I promise to signal when there’s something wrong, but in the moment I’m really fine. I wish you’d never heard of this whole...I wish you’d never mention any of this again.“  
Thomas smiled down at him warmly. „Allright, I can do that, I think.“ He paused, frowning a bit. „ It’s just... You’re so damn beautiful, looking just like my girlfriend, the hair and all. You startled me so much when we spoke last time. I wasn’t sure what you were up to... Look, I know what you newbies get to hear about customs in the Alliance. But I’m into girls normally, my friend lives in New York, we’ve been together for six years now. There’s really no need for you to...do something you don’t genuinely want. You know?“   
Here the Sergeant, strangely enough, put a hand on Erik’s cheek to brush some strand of hair away, while Erik was completely stirred by his forthrightness.   
Thomas reflected: „Of course, there’s sometimes men you can’t really resist. But I have... a different taste, you know.“   
Erik knew nothing, but managed to smile like he did. Becker went on, looking into Erik’s big eyes: „I would like us to be friends. There are not many recruits here I can have a nice talk with.“ And with those words he held out his hand, strong, brown fingers that Erik slowly clasped.   
„With pleasure“, Erik affirmed.   
Thomas looked happy and turned to the table, rummaging around in a drawer.   
„Now, Erik, what about a chocolate bar? The navigators keep making me presents to kiss my ass, but those kids have no idea I don’t eat any sugar. No way to bribe me like this! But you look like you like it...“  
Erik blushed and exclaimed eagerly: „I really do! I know it’s, you know, totally embarassing, but I’m such a sweet tooth!“  
Thomas laughed. „Sweet, indeed. Here! You have the free choice.“   
Erik decided upon a nougat thing and enjoyed it, while Thomas went on chattering.


	7. Chapter 7

Every weekend, Erik took advantage of his rommates being out in the gym courses or having left for town to visit their families, so he could videochat with Jasmin undisturbedly. It always pierced his heart to see her beloved features on the screen but knowing she was lightyears away. Today she looked especially beautiful, but she was not alone. A dark, black-haired young woman sat next to her, holding a beautiful, approximately four year old girl on her lap.

„Hi, angel moi!“, Jasmin greeted Erik warmly. „Mother, I almost don’t remember how to speak English any more, I hope you still understand me. How are you?“  
„Hey, love. Thanks, I’m great, working hard but enjoying it. We’ve summer here... I see you do have a friend over tonight?“  
„Well, it’s more difficult than that, unfortunately... This is Anna. She lives here in New Volga, I know her from the little bar we’re reconstructing in the moment. Today she told me her husband threatened her and asked if she could spend the night at my place with her daughter Olga until this matter is, well, fixed again. Yeah, and here she is now. Anna’s always a bit in trouble, aren’t you?“ And Jasmin poked her in the side amicably. The other woman smiled.  
Erik frowned compassionately. „Oh, this doesn’t sound too good... But I’m glad you found a friend up there, princess. I can’t see you very clearly, but you two look almost a bit like sisters to me.“  
Jasmin chuckled. „Ponimajesh, Anna?“, she asked. Anna nodded and they exchanged some words in Russian. Jasmin became earnest again.  
„Erik, babe, we have another problem here. Annas brother Alexei is in big trouble, too. He’s 16 and police caught him plundering some abandoned military warehouses with his gang. They want to send him to the correctional facility now if Anna doesn’t pay the 500 yen to ransom him, and this is really shitty, because nobody here has that much money. Babe, I hate to ask you, but Anna needs her brother to protect her. She has nobody but him, they lost their parents, and as a solitary woman up here you are...“  
„Okay, okay, no problem, don’t worry. Tell her I transfer you the money as soon as I get my salary. And please take care of yourself in this matter, I’m afraid you get roped into some shit...“  
„Ah, no,no, no! We’re aid workers here, we help to end the shit! You should tell you’re white uniforms down there what an important work we’re doing. They should support us more! We fight at the front line if the Colterons come for earth once more, we’re cannon fodder!“  
Erik frowned again. „I know, sweetheart. I’ll do what I can to end this war, I promise. I’m quite sure this is Mother’s plan for me, she helped me in so many ways since I decided to join the Alliance. Please have faith.“  
Suddenly the pretty, dark-eyed child on Anna’s lap started chattering and Jasmin laughed.  
„She asks if all men on earth look like you do, she thinks you ressemble a prince. She’s right, you’re very beautiful with your hair long like that. Babe, why can’t you come up and live here with me? Anna’s brother is strong, he could protect us all, and you could maybe find work at the Alliance spaceport in Postsibirsk and we would all be together...“  
Erik smiled at little Olga and thought about what a strange family they would be: a flawed earth blondie, two dark-haired colonial beauties, a fatherless child and a teenage criminal. Nontheless, he felt a sudden need of a family just like this deep in his chest. He had always adored children and was half in love with little Olga already. Maybe he should really consider going to Mars... But on the other hand he knew that dreams like that never were going to come true. He would probably die from cardiac infarction or in war before he even could think of having a family again.  
Erik reached out to touch Jasmin’s face on the screen. „Don’t worry. Just be patient and wait for me. I will come to Mars and we will be together.“   
Jasmin touched the fingers he held out to her and her beautiful almond eyes sparkled.

One day, when Erik was sitting in the canteen with Herbert and some of his rommates, Thomas walked past them with a rather special group of people, apparently to get a coffee at the counter. It was funny how the murmur in the big hall immediately stopped, if only for an instant. Next to Erik‘s Sergeant-friend, Lieutenant Cook and the Lead Navigators, two black-cled figures stuck out of the white navigator entirety. One older man with an aquiline nose, dark complexion and a nicely groomed beard was Lieutenant Bering, whom Erik knew because he came to earth every year with a group of specially trained („tamed“) fighters to teach the navigator recruits how to manoeuvre a starfighter as a pair. While watching him, Erik caught a glance of the strangely blushing Thomas, too, and suddenly he was able to put one and one toghether. So this was apparently his different taste, he thought. 

The other stranger in the group was a fighter, too, who walked very closely to a tall navigator with a kooky ponytail. Erik looked away inconspicuously and feigned laughing about one of Herbert’s jokes, because if he learnt one thing here, it was hiding. But inside his head he recapitulated where he had seen these two together before, and these were very strange memories, indeed. It was some days ago, in an empty corridor between the labs. The navigator, an experienced elder semester, task name Tantris, had touched and kissed the exact same fighter that walked close to him now in a manner that was clearly forbidden inside the military, that made Erik blush hard and coerced him to abscond very quickly. 

Thomas had told him some stories later that officially Erik wasn’t supposed to know, but that came to his mind now. Apparently the Alliance was experimenting with a kind of special weapon for the starfighters. Thomas had mentioned that only one fighter-navigator-team was able to activate this weapon by now, out of reasons that weren’t completely clear. To judge by the way the higher ranks pandered over them, Tantris and his partner could be the ones. Maybe their importance made the others turn a blind eye to their forbidden fraternization. 

Erik wondered what else Thomas knew about this special weapon, he would have loved to know what it was. But he dismissed his thoughts when Marek appeared with a tray full of set custard which hindered Erik from thinking clearly on this matter any second longer.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, this isn't going to be the end of the story. I'll post the next chapter (in which Erik is going to meet his first fighter) as soon as I edited it. So please stay tuned, and thanks for reading!

When Marek started his navigator training at the Alliance Barracks he had hoped to share a dorm with Erik on whom he had a major crush since the first time he saw him in the train. He had never before looked into a face as beautiful and innocent as Erik’s. His tiny frame made his arms ache with want to pull him close and hold him, his happiness and brightness infected Marek and gave him the strength to succeed in classes and find joy of life as well. 

Like Herbert and Jacques, Marek always hung out around Erik, they always spent lunchtime together and sometimes laughed and ate some candy in their dorm in the evenings. Marek still dared to touch Erik from time to time. He wanted to offer him the possibility of physical contact and to invite him to reciprocate it. But with each passing day, Marek had the impression that despite his efforts, despite the many moves he made to approach the little blonde, the distance between them was ever growing. This made Marek helpless and sad, especially because he couldn’t detect the reason for Erik’s unapproachability. Of course he had his girlfriend on Mars, of course he still loved her in some way. Nevertheless, Erik had shown unmistakenly that he favoured Marek and that he enjoyed his physical affection. So what, what was the problem? Erik couldn’t possibly be afraid, could he? He never was afraid of anything, didn’t even blink after his first stunt in the simulator. But he was slipping through Marek’s fingers just like his beautiful hair when he caressed it.

In class, Erik usually was smiling dreamily while looking out of the window, apparently totally absorbed in some imaginary world and not to be distracted by Marek passing little leaflets to him or whispering something in his ear. Surprisingly to Marek, the little blonde managed to be fully concentrated when asked a question by the teachers. He always responded immediately, cleverly, having found some elegant solution for the posed problem apparently a long time ago. Marek would never understand how he did this. Maybe he wasn’t dreaming at all. 

Marek, in contrary, always had a hard time in understanding verbally the questions put to the recruits, and while he still wondered about what to do, his neighbour had already solved the whole task. Marek admired Erik’s intellecutal capabilities, but felt nevertheless that they raised him on a pedestal so high he himself never could get up to. He racked his brain about the question if Erik with his special talents and his beauty ever would like to be more than friends with him, an (in his own opinion) average boy without remarkable features. This self-evaluation clearly wasn’t true: Marek had talents, he was especially gifted in technical drawing, for example. But somehow everyone seemed to fade to insignificance next to Erik. Marek tried to fight this feelings as best as he could, knowing that Erik wasn’t to blame for it, but it was difficult. And his unrequited love for the other didn’t make things easier.

One day, the recruits went to have a shower in the evening, tired and mentally exhausted by a day full of arithmetics and calculations. Marek avoided getting too close to Erik there, fearing he couldn’t bear the sight of his skinny body, the wet strands of hair draped on his shoulders, droplets of water slowly rolling down his beautiful face. But he didn’t manage to shower far away from him, either, sure he would die if he missed the sight that at the same time tortured him so much. So when Erik washed his hair today, Marek couldn’t stop himself and stepped over to him, asking if he’d like him to soap it for him. They were not alone in the showers, all of the stands were occupied by happily chattering navigators, but none of them normally was irritated by some friends showering together. As Erik agreed, Marek rubbed the shampoo on his scalp very tenderly, massaging just a little bit and then rinsing the foam while paying attention to Erik not getting it into his eyes. When turning the smaller boy around, Marek’s look fell on some marks on the left side of Erik’s breast he had never seen before.  
„Are those...scars?“ he asked, sounding more worried and startled than he wanted to, damn it.  
Erik blushed and showed the typical, slightly apologetical Erik-smile. „Yeah, they are. I had a surgery when I was a baby. Thank Mother, it’s all fixed now.“  
Marek trailed the reddish lines carefully with his finger, fearing the blond boy would back off in disgust or pain or whatever, what he surprisingly didn’t.  
„Shit. I’m sure it hurt like hell.“  
Erik laughed. „I said I was a baby then. Even if it hurt, I can’t remember it!“  
He looked at Marek as if his remark had been the most stupid thing he ever heard. In reality, Erik could remember every detail of this surgery: He had been thirteen years old then and yes, it had hurt like hell. But he couldn’t possibly tell all of this to Marek. So he just stood there in the pouring water and smiled at Marek, who seemed concerned. Erik couldn’t know how hard it was for the other to fight back the urge of kissing Erik here and now and in front of everyone as those scars only made him love the smaller boy more.  
As Marek didn’t react to his words, Erik said cheerily: „I’m done here and it’s getting cold, I think I’m leaving. Are you ready, do you want to leave, too?“ And as Marek in response just shook his head, standing under the running water and and following the other with his eyes as he left, he felt that this unbridgeable space between him and his love had just grown a little bit further.

Since several weeks now, Erik had the feeling that Marek was somehow distant, even gruff. As Erik always wanted to help people and generally had an open ear for their problems, he was almost disappointed when he noticed that Marek didn’t want to talk about it, at least not with him. Erik had gotten very much used to Marek, to his tall frame next to him that exuded security, to his tender touch, his little conspiracies during the lessons. Apparently something had happened that made Marek stop these intimacies. Maybe he was jealous of Erik’s success. Or he had found out that Erik occasionally went to the sergeant’s office to see Thomas and had drawn the wrong conclusions. But what would be the correct conclusions? 

Erik tended to overthinking things, but he didn’t come to the deduction that he held two men on long reins without making a decision. If one had spoken to him about it, he maybe would have said there was no need to make a decision, as Erik was free to spend his time with whomever he liked. Besides that, if there was a decision to be made, it was made a long time ago – a decision for Jasmin, his girlfriend on Mars.

One evening he got a message from Thomas. He asked if Erik liked to come over to watch a movie together, and as Herbert and Jacques already wanted to watch soccer and some drinking was going on in his own dorm, Erik sent back a positive answer and told the others he would take a walk. He let his glance lay on Marek, though, and waited extra long for him to join him, but strangely the tall blonde didn’t even look up from his book and mumbled something about having to finish homeworks. 

Erik met Thomas in his sergeant’s bedroom. Another sergeant was normally sleeping there, too, but today he was in town visiting his family. Thomas, in some white fatigues, was slouching relaxedly on his couch and seemed to prepare his datapad for the film. When Erik entered, he waved him over casually, and both boys sat down cross-legged on the couch.  
„Hey, beautiful. How’s it going? Saw you with Dreyfus today in the mess hall. Don’t say he hauls you over the coals during meal?“  
Erik laughed. „Of course not. But there’s never enough time to discuss all matters he and I have on our schedules. You know, I’m not even head of the council, but yet the first years always come to me with their problems. Now they want to establish a navigator‘s choir, and there have been complaints about Cook’s flight lessons, too. Then our trip to the Ragnarök battleship will take place in two weeks and it is not completely organized yet. And last but not least, next week some school classes come to visit the barracks and Dreyfus wants me to be their guide and do all the showing around and the presentations.“  
„I would have guessed this job would suit you, as you’re fond of kids.“ Thomas shrugged.  
„Yeah, of course, I’d like to to it. I generally wonder how everyone seems to be so scared of kids, they’re all acting as if they were some big black spiders you have to run from!“  
„They’re not used to them as you are. Therefor I think you should do the job.“  
Erik objected worriedly. „But my family believes I’m living on Mars and doing construction work there! What shall I do if they see me in the media in an Alliance uniform? I have to prevent that. This is why I proposed Galin for the job. He has two kids himself and shouldn’t act so inhibited.“  
„But...?“  
Erik sighed. „Of course Dreyfus doesn’t want to have him because Galin’s performances are falling behind.“  
Thomas put a hand on Erik’s thigh. „Look. There’s no one here in this whole goddamn team that’s able to radiate as much enthusiasm about the Alliance as you do. The kids deserve that! And you deserve having some kids around again, too. I’ll see what I can do to not let your name be seen on the report at least. And for the rest...You have to pray your family isn’t interested in some coverage about the Alliance.“ Erik sighed and tucked his hair behind his ear while Thomas patted his leg comradely.  
„Hey, what about some wine?“ And Thomas pulled a bottle from under his couch. „It’s a good year, and even french!“  
Erik smiled. „I’m sorry, Thomas, but I can’t drink any alcohol because of interaction with my heart pills.“  
„Oh, you’re right, I forgot. Dosn’t matter. Here, I’ve got something else for you I know you CAN consume.“ And smiling mischievously, he produced a box of pralinés from under his pillow.  
Erik beamed – they were even with cocoa nibs! „Wow, who presented you with those?“, he burst out. And to his surprise, Thomas blushed!  
„I bought them. Extra for you. In town. Forget it.“  
Erik chuckled and turned away to inspect the open window on the datapad. The film Thomas had chosen was an old one. The action went about a woman that fucked up her life and career and then was starting over with opening a quail farm. It was funny and strange to see her look after the animals. Everyone on earth was vegan for many decades now as humanity had abandoned animal farming alltogether. So the background of the movie was really antiquated for Erik and Thomas and they laughed a lot – the more so as Thomas slowly emptied his bottle and fed Erik with pralinés all the time.  
At one point, he held a chocolate spread finger in front of Erik’s mouth and the latter, flirtatious, couldn’t help but licking off the sweet paste. This resulted in Thomas almost falling on Erik and then somehow the long haired boy felt hot lips on his own and strong hands that cupped his face and strucked his hair and then he neither wanted nor could follow the ending of the movie anymore.  
Delicately, Thomas sucked on his ear and neck and made Erik whine and chuckle at the same time. The sergeant opened Erik’s alliance jacket with experienced hands to reveal bare shoulders the tank top left unclothed, he planted hot kisses on whatever part of skin he could reach. Erik put his hands on Thomas’s as they explored his belly and breast under the top,then somehow he got rid of his clothes alltogether and Thomas struggled out of his hoodie.  
Erik was reliefed Thomas didn’t comment on his surgery scars (he didn’t even come to the idea of touching them except in passing). Maybe he hadn’t seen them in the dimly lit room, or he was too drunk to notice them at all. Erik smiled at the other one happily and he pulled him close, groping the other’s butt a bit and getting a little moan in return.  
At one point, Thomas asked him: „Do you want to...?“  
Erik nodded fervently. „Yes, I do. But“ – here he started laughing again – „I don’t really know how to do it, with men, I mean.“ It seemed the most ridiculous fact ever, and Thomas laughed too, kissing Erik’s cheek affectionately.  
„Yeah, I see, but I can show you. I’ll be really careful, don’t you worry. I’ll do nothing to hurt you, as you’re such a delicate flower.“  
„I never worry, and I’m not a delicate flower“, Erik smiled.  
„How come you smell of flowers, then?“, Thomas purred. „It really makes me wonder how you taste, babe...“  
This made Erik blush violently and meekly he surrendered to whatever Thomas was going to do to him. He had forgotten how it was to be touched like this, could only faintly remember how he slept with Jasmin, and this here was so different, it was like exploring a new solar system. Thomas’s hands and lips were everywhere, he whispered sweet little compliments into Erik’s ear and was yet so strong and athletic on and around him that it made Erik‘s heart race.  
„You do it to me“, he said at one point, pulling out some lube and handing it to Erik while explaining how to use it. „If I...you know, I’ve always been with fighters and they often put a jerk in it, it really hurt the first times. So the other way is better. Just do it.“  
Erik was too distracted to realize that Thomas just confessed to him about the oh-so-red-flagged fraternization with fighters. He was also so out of exercise and so overwhelmed with these new feelings he came almost immediately when he felt the warmth and tightness of Thomas’s body around him. So afterwards, he just finished Thomas off with his hands and the other seemed to enjoy it, seemed to enjoy how long white hair fell on his breast during the process while delicate hands slowly found a rhythm.  
They held each other tight for a long time after this, giggling and whispering things like teenagers, one of them so happy to be sheltered and the other so happy to be able to protect, even if it wasn’t neccessary.

Erik didn’t know if he fell asleep nor how long, but it was clear he couldn’t spend the night at the sergeant’s room if he wanted to keep Thomas’s reputation clean.  
„I thank you so much, Thomas“, he said to the half-asleep blonde he was spooning. „I enjoyed it very much, and I hope it was ok for you, too.“  
Thomas had become sober again, as it seemed. He turned his had back and asked, in worry: „Shit, I’ve never even asked if that kind of sport is okay for your heart... “  
„Ah, stop it. I‘m not that old!“ Erik laughed and tickled him on the belly. Then he jumped up and gathered his clothes that were spread on floor and bed everywhere. Thomas whimpered.  
„Come back, I’m freezing!“  
But Erik wasn’t to be coaxed. „You can join me in the shower if you’re cold. And if you don’t want to, I’ll see you tomorrow for some really hot coffee. Okay?“  
As the blonde closed the door smiling and with a bundle of clothes in his arms, Thomas in the pillows had already fallen asleep again.


	9. Chapter 9

When Erik’s hair had grown to fall beautifully down on his shoulders, the time came when the recruits had gained enough flight experience to work together with real fighters. Everyone was expecting the „tames“ with impatience, and Lieutenant Cook did much to boost the tension. He assembled the third years in the big auditorium to prepare them for the arrival of their new partners, flanked by Lead Navigator Dreyfus, Lead Navigator Assistant Mouwani and even the Sergeants, including Thomas. This showed how important the matter was, even for Cook. As mostly, he looked very stern when he repeated the common rules for handling fighters.   
„As we discussed already: Don’t mingle with them. Not in the mess hall, not in the garden, nowhere. Avoid contact as much as possible. Talk only the bare necessities, and never disclose your real names and details about you. If you want to address your fighter, say „fighter“ or call him by the name of your simulator.When the training session is over, I expect you to go your separate ways. You will get your own fighter once you transfer to space, until then those men are not your business. Did I make myself clear?“  
„Yes, sir!“, the crowd responded unitedly. Cook didn’t smile.   
„You’ll get to know your temporary partners tomorrow morning. Until then I wish you a good night. Dismissed.“

The said morning, Erik stood in a row with all of his 3rd-year-comrades in front of the flight training hall. As he was head of the navigator recruit’s council by that time, he was expected to keep the others calm and help with the distribution, if necessary. But the navigators were standing in front of their superiors well trained, waiting in absolute silence. Then, suddenly, there was a turmoil and with much uproar the fighters, led by Lieutenant Bering and some sergeants, arrived in the hallway. 

Everyone tried to have a glance at them as a cloud of testosterone swept across the crowd. The Lieutenant had to reprimand his men very strictly before Cook could make his voice heard. Bering held a datapad with the names of the fighters and their entrusted navigators on it, and Cook told the first ones in the row to come forward and meet their partner. 

Erik stood in the middle of the row with Thomas, who had slipped to his side unobtrusively. As the first fighter stepped forward, the Sergeant whistled through his teeth, seemingly more excited about what was happening than Erik. Those „tamed“ fighters were veterans that had been to space for some time and taken their leaves mostly because of age or injuries. They were mainly poor men from the colonies and needed the money they could gain here by training third year navigators. Most of them had done it several times already, but nevertheless the tension between the men in black and those in white was almost palpable. 

Because of his size, Erik couldn’t see much of the other fighters until he advanced to first in the row and found himself confronted with a small, boofy, mongolian looking man of maybe 40 years.  
This guy looked Erik over for some time.   
„I don’t fly with girls“, he then stated bluntly, and the other remaining fighters bursted into a roaring laugh. Erik tried to swallow his humiliation. As always when he got upset, he tucked his hair back behind his ears, what didn’t really improve the girlish impression he conveyed in this moment, and then smiled again.

Bering, who stood next to the boofy Mongolian, was not amused: „This girl, als you dumbfuck call him, is on top of the flight rankings. If you think yourself above the best, you can go straight back to Mars to see what shit they’ve got for you there. Is that clear?“  
The Mongolian grunted something like „Yes, sir“ and went to the side with Erik, who once more felt very bad about the way superiors talked about colonial people. While some other fighters made jokes and baited their colleague because of his match, Erik eyed „his“ fighter anxiously and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He couldn’t deny he was a bit scared of fighters and his one especially, but what was to be expected if even colonial superiors rubbed their noses in their alleged inferiority? 

Erik was glad for Marek who pulled a gloomy, tall guy who at least didn’t insult him immediately. Herbert got a long haired Latino with burns in his face, didn’t smile, but didn’t look too disappointed, either. 

When every navigator had a partner at his side, the whole corps entered the simulator hall in a row, the navigators remaining in anguished silence. Thomas sent Erik a glance of compassion, what Erik disliked very much, so he quickly turned away, smiling a bit at his fighter, who scowled. The pairs positioned themselves next to their habitual simulators.   
„Cachalot, what are you waiting for? Get in and start the engines“, Cook commanded them with a gesture. „Set an example.“   
Yet it wasn’t Erik who dawdled, it was his fighter who didn’t want to cooperate.

Finally they put their helmets on and took their seats in the compartments wordlessly. Erik started the engines and booted the technique as usual, then waited for the trial’s tasks to show up on his screen. Suddenly he heard the voice of his fighter, speaking wickedly over the intern comm.  
„Well well, so you’re on top here“, the other said. „If you were a man, I’d show you who’s top here and who’s bottom. But you being a girl...“   
For a short moment, there was absolute silence.   
„Come on, no one wants to hear stuff like that!“, Erik then bursted out cheerily while still prepping the machine for take off. „At least, I do not. I wonder if they tell you to speak with your navigators like that?“ He waited for an answer but didn’t get one.   
„Anyway, my name is Erik, and I’m glad to have you with me. We’ll do fine, you’ll see. Now hold on!“ With that, Erik gave power to the drives and raised the Cachalot to follow the little red dots on his screen.

Rattling through artificial space, it became clear very quickly that Erik and his fighter weren’t as incompatible as both of them had suspected. The fighter needed to shout at Erik only a little bit until the navigator learned how to position the starfighter so he could take good shots. And the best was: This navigator even had fun in the process!

After a short while, most of the red dots on the screen had already vanished, and so had the fighter’s horrible temper. Now he even laughed, too, from time to time and Erik smiled. It was all about the numbers, als always. 

While listening to Cook‘s advices and waiting for the other pairs to have got the hang of it, Erik dared to address his fighter over the intern comm.   
„Hey fighter Cachalot, do you want to tell me more about you?“  
„Hey navigator nosey parker, have you forgotten this is not allowed?“ Then the elder man chuckled. „I give a fuck. My name is Baatar. I’m sure you already guessed I’m Mongolian.“  
Erik sneered, a little: „Unlike other people, I don’t draw conclusions this quickly.“  
„Ugh, a bitch after all?“  
Erik laughed. „I know I’m not exactly the tallest here, so I forgive you. Where are you from, Baatar?“  
„Colony II. Have my family there.“  
„Really?“ Erik was excited. It was close to Jasmin, after all. „Do you have kids?“  
„Yeah. Six, actually.“ Baatar’s grin was almost audible over the comm.  
„Fantastic!“, Erik exclaimed.  
„Why? Do you have six kids, too?“ Now the elder was clearly joking and both laughed.  
„Not yet. But I have six siblings.“  
„Really? That’s kind of strange for an earth family, as far as I know.“  
Erik gulped. „Well...Pay attention, there’s a new task coming up! Artillery ready?“  
„Ready.“  
„Okay, let’s go!“

They accelerated again to tackle the next fake Colterons on the screen.  
„You fly like the devil!“, Baatar shouted, „You sure you aren’t, you know, the fallen one?“  
Erik laughed. Flying with a partner was so much more fun than the whole lonesome hunting for points!  
„Do you want me to show you a cool trick?“, Baatar asked and didn’t wait for the answer. „Attack the next ship from the left as if you’d want to fly past.“  
„But it will get us first then!“  
„You have to do it quickly, swerve right before collision.“  
Erik exhaled. „This is crazy!“  
Baatar nodded. „I know, but with my nav we blindsided a lot of bugs that way. They fall for it every time.“  
This convinced Erik, who accelerated even more until the „Collision imminent“ sign appeared and flashed menacingly. In the blink of an eye, Erik threw the machine to the left now as Baatar had suggested, turned her quickly and the triangle on the screen was shattered to pieces by a powerful shot from Baatar.  
„Get going!“, he shouted, and somehow they managed not to be shredded by the debris.   
Erik laughed aloud as a wave of ecstasy swept through him.   
„This was great!“   
As he pulled the Cachalot up to reintegrate in the formation and heard Cook’s voice not recommending this manoeuver again, Erik asked: „Did you like your nav, have you been good partners?“  
„Yeah, we had a lot of fun together. Had to hide it a bit, of course, because you know, on the stations all is so very grave and disciplined all the time, you’re not even allowed to have a lunchbreak with your nav or a beer in the evening. They want us to work together, but keep us separate like we were wolves and sheep. Stupid.“  
„But they keep telling us fighters are dangerous, unpredictable at least...“  
„Bullshit. You have to face reality. We’re trained to kill, and the same’s true for you, if you’re honest. We want to push back the Terons into their territory to end this goddamn war, and there’s no other way than to fight for that with our lives. If you have a white flight suit on or a black one, it’s no difference. But as you’re supposed to be an intelligent earthling, training here for four years and costing a lot of Alliance money, maybe you can explain me why things are as they are?“  
Erik shook his head, flying a big, smooth turn to start a new manoeuver with his formation. „Unfortunately, I don’t know. But maybe, when the war is over, they’ll stop the stupid separation eventually.“  
„When the war is over, come to Colony II and visit us, you’re invited, kid.“  
Erik blushed happily and felt a warm feeling envelop his heart. If Baatar only knew how much he longed to be on Mars, he wouldn’t believe it. Earth, Mars or Moon, it was one solar system after all where people belonged together!  
„Thank you so much. I accept with all my heart. But firstly we have to put an end to this shit.“  
„Right. Luckily you’ve still got some months to learn the best stunts from me!“

And laughing, Baatar pulled the next thundering shot like it was all a game.


	10. Chapter 10

Thomas looked up from his paperwork with a broad grin. „Look, here’s my little scientific genius!“   
He signaled Erik to come towards him behind the desk and pulled the long haired recruit to sit on his lap.   
„Congrats to your summa cum laude, babe.“ And Thomas planted a hearty kiss on Erik’s smiling mouth and down his neck as Erik sat, dangling his legs in the air and taking a quick glance at the chocolate candy in the upper drawer.   
„You messaged me that you wanted to speak to me, and now you can’t, because you’re busy elsewhere“, Erik said teasingly while the Sergeant combed his fingers through the long silk hair.  
Thomas pouted. „Yeah, you’re right. I have to tell you something, you little high flyer. Guess what? After reading your thesis, Cook decided he wants you as Lead Navigator Assistant on the Sleipnir as soon as possible. So congrats to your promotion, too, babe! Did you know it already?“  
Erik made big eyes. „Cook hinted at something like that the last time I saw him, but...the Sleipnir...and so quickly! That’s really a surprise. Wait – isn’t Bering Commander on the Sleipnir, too?“  
Thomas rolled his eyes. „Yeah, he is, but come on, stop taunting me.“ 

Getting serious and fumbling with Erik’s hair again, he continued: „You know, there’s another thing I wanted to talk about with you.“  
„Really? What’s the matter?“  
Thomas put a gentle hand on Erik’s cheek. „It’s kind of strange, so don’t be upset. But now the exams are over and you’ve been promoted – which you completely deserve, but this wasn’t what I wanted to say – it’s so inevitable that you’re parting, from earth, from the campus...and from me. Erik, dear, I remember the strange feeling I had towards you when you stood in this exact same office for the first time, and I don’t know what took me so long, but it’s like I came to understand just now that I...I...I think I love you, LNA Brönserud.“   
He stopped for a moment, bewildered.   
„Why are you laughing?“  
„Sergeant Becker. You have a girlfriend in New York for 10 years now. You hook up with Bering everytime he comes to earth and keep repeating to me over and over again how dark, elder men turn you on. And now it’s me that you think you love? Tell me, don’t you think it’s funny, either?“  
Thomas smiled and kept caressing Erik’s face. „Yeah, you’re right, it really is. But it’s true, Erik, I’m telling the truth, you’re so fucking gorgeous and beautiful and intelligent and run rings around the others here. You took my heart, babe. There’s nothing I can do about it.“

Now Erik had become quite serious, too, looking in Thomas‘ blue eyes sadly and insecure.  
„Hey...hey, don’t you worry, babe, I don’t expect anything from you. You go to space and do your career and end this frigging war up there quickly, please. And maybe you’ll find some time to think of me now and then. If you do, you can message me, okay? And please, promise me you come back, okay? Promise!“  
„Dear Sergeant, I can promise, but if it’ll work out is in Mother’s hands.“  
„Okay, then pray strongly, please. I want to see you again some day. And don’t hide things from me, I get to know what’s going on up there eventually.“  
„I don’t hide things“, Erik whispered, now caressing Thomas’ face in his turn, kissing his cheeks and ear.  
„And as I already told you, be aware of the fighters. Don’t let them, you know, catch you alone in the corridors or the hangar bay and don’t go to the fighter’s level alone...“  
„Why not?“, Erik teased. „Because they’re all as bad as Johannes Bering?“  
Thomas moaned. „Erik! Never, never was anything at once so frail and so indomitable!“  
The boy on the lap laughed. „What’s that? Getting poetic at the end?“  
„It’s from an old book, you ignorant little...“

Here he couldn’t speak any further, because Erik shut his mouth with a kiss while straddling his Sergeant and impatiently fumbling on his uniform collar with his little hands, getting Thomas to say he loved him over and over again later while Erik tried to show him that he was not the only one and that he felt for him, too.


	11. Chapter 11

Transferring to space wasn’t as bad as the navigators had feared – at least not for Erik, who never got sick in the simulators but for the first time. At the Alliance spaceport, there had been a lot of white uniforms, but most of Erik’s comrades transferred to the Ragnarök or to the space stations. From Erik’s academical year, it was only him and a chipper, pink-haired guy named Jeremy whom Cook had chosen to join his crew on the Sleipnir. 

Cook was there already for months, having departed right after his overdue promotion to Commander. He didn’t even conduct the final flight examinations, but had given orders to be informed about the results immediately. Unsurprisingly Erik, with the help of Baatar, had obtained the highest score. The same was true for his masters thesis with the title: „The unmanned starfighter – possibilities of conduction and control“. Erik, interested in all technical subjects, had had no idea about an issue for his thesis. So when Cook had given him a hint, Erik had simply picked up on it, ending up with 567 pages, summa cum laude and Cooks immediate request to transfer him to the Sleipnir as Lead Navigator Assistant... but we know this already. 

Now graduate Brönserud was on his way, cramped in a rocket with ten mechanics and one greenish looking fellow navigator, churned by the speed and the force of the drives, but with a wondrously regularly beating heart and a thrill of anticipation regarding the new chapter in his life.

When he disembarked at the giant battleship Sleipnir in the Dorado constellation two days later (transferring to space was a tedious affair), Erik was impressed by the splendor of the mothership and the multitude of fighters, navigators, mechanics and staff living there. 

In the hours of interstellar travel, Jeremy had learned to appreciate Erik very much during the frequent periods he got spacesick. On Earth, Erik had never had much contact with Jeremy, talking to him a few times in the mess hall, but not more. Now both of them were glad to have a companion around, and so Jeremy stood by Erik‘s side faithfully when a Sergeant welcomed the space travellers on board. 

His task name was Glarean and he had order to show the newcomers around. To do so, he really took great pains, reciting numbers and technical facts about the Sleipnir as Erik and Jeremy followed him through the corridors and departments of the ship. The Sleipnir was a big ship and like in a labyrinth, the new crew members quickly lost their orientation. Everything was made from metal, everything was clean and sterile and cold and comfortless at the same time. The conditioned air was always kept at the same temperature, there was no breeze and not too much oxygen, either. From some places, like the giant hangar bays, one had a splendid view at the stars and planets of deepspace, but it was also threatening if one thought of the fact that outside the ship, no life was possible up here. 

The parked starfighters instead made Erik’s heart beat higher. They were marvelous machines, spic and span and ready for combat. Erik couldn’t wait to get inside and become acquainted with the technique. But this had to wait, and so he only caressed the white metal with a longing hand and then followed Glarean to continue their tour. In the corridors, the small group was eyed up by the large number of passing navigators.   
On the level they walked, fighters were scarce to be seen, and the few they met stared at them with flagrant greed. This led Erik to a question about the fighter’s quarters and their superiors.   
„Oh, we have no time to get down to the fighter‘s level“, Glarean appeased. „We have fifty fighters here and Commander Bering is in charge of them. If you have your own fighter, you can ask him if he likes to take you down there with him, but if I were you, I’d rather not suggest it. We keep fighters and navigators mostly apart on this ship, as you can also see here, in our mess hall.“ 

They entered a big hall whose seats on the right and left side were divided by a broad aisle. Some fighters sat to the right chewing, stopping their talk conspicuously when they noticed the newbies. Then they started calling some explicit ideas centered around Erik’s very long hair that were so absurd Erik and Jeremy started giggling like schoolgirls, turning towards each other quickly, trying hard to choke it.   
On the left side were the navigator’s places.  
„Oh, I almost forgot to ask. Are you hungry after your voyage? Do you like a coffee?“, Glarean asked acidulously.  
Erik was hungry and a coffee was a great idea. But it felt strange walking by and sitting down in front of the black cled audience that monitored every step they took as if they were models on a catwalk. Luckily, Jeremy didn’t seem to bother and agreed enthusiastically to some coffee and food. Glarean introduced the two to the machines that vomited both, and well, one would at least not starve on duty up here.

When they had finished their break and listened to some more sexy suggestions from the fighter’s side, they continued their walk in direction of Cook’s office. As there was an excess of fighters on the Sleipnir in the moment, Jeremy and Erik should get their task names and assigned fighters that same day already. 

Flustered by the voyage and their guided tour, the two white cled boys sat down in front of Cooks office on Central Command’s Level, left by Glarean and waiting for being called in now. Erik fumbled with his hair that fell down on his back openly while Jeremy jabbered around him:   
„Isn’t being in space simply fantastic, Erik? This is a turning point in our lives! Hey, can you believe we got promoted? And so quickly after our exams? I really think you should change your hairstyle on this occasion. Open hair of this incredible length isn’t suitable for a LNA, you heard the fighters! Here, shall I show you something fancy?“ And with this, Jeremy laid hands on Eriks hair and twisted it over his shoulder, taking his time to bend it in a beautiful rope braid. Erik blushed a bit, but liked Jeremy’s idea. It remembered him of Thomas who had loved to braid Erik’s hair, too, although in a different way and under very different circumstances. Maybe it was a good thing to start over now with his new position.  
„I assure you, you look stunning!“, Jeremy fancied.

When Erik was finally called into the office, he was surprised to find his old acquaintance Arsis there, sitting next to Cook. Arsis, as it turned out, was Lead Navigator on the Sleipnir and eager to introduce Erik to his new duties. That he apparently didn’t remember where the two had met already was a great relief for Erik, so his confounded case history could stay a secret here on the Sleipnir. Erik had felt pretty well for the last years, why shouldn’t it continue now he was a member of the leading team? 

Arsis announced that he was going to show Erik around and introduce him to his tasks as LNA in the afternoon. Then he told him that his task name was Keeler now. Keeler – of course this name meant something to Erik who knew about the rings of Saturn. But wasn’t it a strange coincidence that he who really had a gap in his curriculum and a period of void in his life (which led him to the Alliance, on top of this) was now to be called by this very name? 

While Erik still was wondering about the meaning of that, the door opened and in came Daphnis, his assigned fighter. Erik – Keeler, he had to get used to it – smiled at the darker man curiously and tucked some strands of hair back behind his ear. Daphnis – midsize, dark, short black hair with a red section at the nape – gaped at Keeler and then at Cook like a cow, listened to his instructions without stirring and then went with Keeler to show him the way to their future cabin. Jeremy, who still sat in the corridor waiting, stared after them with a stupefied expression. Some minutes later, his name was Puck and he had got his own fighter to worry about.

On the way to the cabin, in the elevators and corridors, Keeler studied Daphnis’s face curiously and found it had no brutal traits, but was even rather fine for a fighter’s. So Keeler tried smiling to him and getting him to talk, but it didn’t work, Daphnis stayed unapproachable. Then they arrived at the destined iron door. Daphnis verified the number on his datapad and typed a code into the screen. Then they entered the spartan bunk, equipped with a small couch on every side.

„I would like the right one, if it’s okay for you“, Keeler said – in the exact same moment Daphnis threw his shoulder bag down on the right couch and growled. Keeler sighed. Fighters were anything, but surely not sociable. So he gave in and sat down on the left couch, waiting what Daphnis would do next. He was surprised when the other fished something out of his bag, stuffed it into his pocket and immediately turned to leave the room.  
„Where are you going?“, Keeler asked astonished.  
Daphnis stopped short. „What, do you want to fuck now?“  
Now Keeler was completely speechless. „Mother, no!“, he exclaimed. „How do you come to think that?“  
Daphnis shrugged. „Okay, I’m leaving then.“ And with this he opened the door and was already halfway out of the room before Keeler even could shout: „Wait!“ But it was too late. Daphnis had already vanished Mother knew where. Keeler sighed again and scratched his scalp. This one was going to be far more difficult than Baatar, this was sure. And in contrast to Baatar, this one was his own now: his assigned fighter. Great.

 

Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler to Sergeant Becker:   
Shit, I forgot there’s no sun in space.

Sergeant Becker to Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler:  
What, and you think it’s here in the barracks, when you’re gone? ?? Do your boys the favour and shine for them now, babe. And please enlighten Johannes a bit, too – but don’t burn him completely, do you understand? Save your blaze for me.  
P.S.: Can’t believe they named you after a gap! What’s your fighter’s name? Mariana Trench?

Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler to Sergeant Becker:  
Mariana really made me laugh, sergeant! I wish my fighter had some depth, though. But what do you want to enlighten me upon Bering? Surely not his cigars?

Sergeant Becker to Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler:  
Does he even smoke in space now? Mother knows I hate the smell! Tell him I’ll visit on the Sleipnir to make him stop personally if he doesn’t quit. 

Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler to Sergeant Becker:  
Why don’t you really come up here? 

Sergeant Becker to Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler:  
Babe, I told you I hated space. I’m fine with my red tape down here, believe me.

Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler to Sergeant Becker:  
A great navigator you are, sergeant paper-tiger!

Sergeant Becker to Lead Navigator Assistant Keeler:  
I love you, too.


	12. Chapter 12

The promotion to Lead Navigator Assistant seemed to be the best thing that ever happened to Keeler. He loved this job from the first minute, was motivated and ready to take responsibility and with Arsis had a considerate and well organized superior that enabled him an easy commencement. Keeler was fine with his work that consisted mostly in supervising the navigator’s programming sessions in the labs, working on the starfighters together to get them to understand the technique and processing tons of data. But what startled him very much were the strange conditions on the Sleipnir that he simply couldn’t bring into accordance with his upbringing and the years of study in the Alliance barracks.

The navigators on the Sleipnir crowded together like a herd of frightened deer. They were all very young and there was no doubt they were plainly scared by everything around them, by space and fighters and flying attacks, you name it. On this repellent metal ship, they shirked behind their workstations, humiliated themselves before superiors and tiptoed through the corridors like ghosts. Keeler wasn’t able to detect the reason for their fear, but one thing was sure: No war was to be won with such a crew. Those were the most talented and smart graduates of the Alliance, and they should be proud of it, exude it! Keeler came to the conclusion that the main principles of the Mother’s home were neglected here, and he decided to change that step by step.

As he easily picked up the names of his new subordinates, it wasn’t difficult for him to get to know them better during the long workdays. Keeler did his best to show his men that he was genuinely interested in their well being as well as their progress as navigators, and he didn’t feel himself superior to sitting together with them in the mess hall at lunch or offer consultations in his office the evenings after work. So he discovered many interpersonal construction areas on the battleship. 

Navigator Althaea, for example, came to his consultation after breaking down crying one day during a disastrous flight simulation. It turned out his fighter bullied him all the time for being too stupid, and under this pressure made him fail over and over again. So Keeler, to the great astonishment of Arsis and Cook, ordered fighter Rubus in his office, too, let both parties put all the problems on the table and then worked out a solution based on communication and mutual understanding. Keeler offered them unrecorded training sessions until their scores would go up again, and also promised to watch their teamwork to help if they got stuck again. It just seemed normal to him to act like that, but this kind of mediation, especially the fact of incorporating a fighter within, was totally unheard of on the Sleipnir until then. 

Arsis, very sceptical in the beginning, was proven wrong by the success of Keeler’s advisory service. The navigators quickly realized: Even when Keeler was helping wiring a starfighter, he was able to make Daphnis send some fighter over, call Vicks in for some technical problem, comfort a disappointed recruit and send another over to fetch some coffee from the mess hall – all at the same time. Keeler was diligent, friendly and genuinely interested in people, but he was also funny and encouraging, his cheery laughter often to be heard in the lab or the hangar bay that had hitherto been so cold and bleak. He felt responsible for the safety of his men, and more so: responsible for their lives, and this the recruits appreciated. On top of that, he was a really good pilot – a fact which even his fighter had to grant him, secretly.

Unlike the shy, white navigators that gathered around the LNA now like chicken around their hen, Daphnis hated Keeler‘s cheery ways. He hated being talked to like a child, hated all the „please“ and „thank you“ and „how kind of you“ when in the end he was only ordered about. He even hated Keeler’s impeccable flying, because he would have loved to find a weak spot in his navigator‘s competency. So when they trained in the simulators or flew patrols in their starfighter, the Xanadu, Daphnis used to scream at Keeler all the time, acting like the paragon of the stupid asshole-fighter the commanders used to frighten the new recruits with. 

The only times he didn’t scream was when Daphnis told Keeler the newest gossip from the fighter’s deck: who was fucking whom, in what way and how long, who was the commander’s sweetheart, who had the biggest cock. He adored the shocked glance Keeler gave him every time, his embarassment cheering him up to embellish his stories with even more details. Daphnis found his partner so haughty and annoying that he’d never even thought of approaching him physically. He flew with him, managed to stay in the upper part of the rankings with him, even helped him on the ship checking the electrics or taking the thrusters apart, but the rest of the day, the fighter disappeared on the lower decks with his fellow men, probably to do all the things he loved to talk about so much.

One day, though, while they were on patrol, Daphnis wasn’t screaming, but seemed really excited about something he discovered on the Xanadu.  
„Hey, pussy“, he called Keeler over the intern comm, „You won’t believe what I found out earlier!“  
Keeler, trying to concentrate on his screen and not on the more and more oppressive relation between him and Daphnis, feared some evil joke, so he didn’t answer. Surely Daphnis was going to tell him another disgusting story about whom Cook was allegedly fucking and how much Bering liked to watch it etc.pp. – as if Commanders ever had time for that kind of things! But no, Daphnis said:  
„Did you know I can transfer your celestial map on my screen here, too? I can even switch to navigating mode and pilot the ship all by myself!“

Hadn’t Keeler been busy with his hands on the screen, he would have flapped himself on the forehead. Could Daphnis really be so stupid? Could he be in earnest? But he sounded really excited and was not good at acting anyway...  
„Daphnis. Tell me this is not true. You’re flying with me for weeks now and all the time you had no idea what to do in case the Colterons killed me and you would have to bring the ship back to the port?“  
This was so crazy, Keeler felt sick when he thought about the recklessness of this demeanour. To be honest, he felt sick quite often since he had boarded the Sleipnir, but tried to persuade himself it was only the bad Alliance food.

„Man“, Daphnis grouched, „How am I supposed to know that shit if no one tells me? I didn’t get four years of kooky Alliance studies! Some months of shitty basic training had to do for me, being only a fighter bastard!“  
„But Daphnis“, and Keeler fell into his motherly talk again although he tried so hard to censor himself when talking to his fighter, „this is dead dangerous! You have to know how to rescue the ship at last when we get hit. I’m busy until 19:00 today, but I think we should urgently meet in the hangar bay afterwards and I explain to you exactly what to do. And then you instruct the other fighters that have no clue, too! Promise! We’re part of the Leading Team, Daphnis!“

And this brought Daphnis back to his usual „I don’t take orders from a pussy“-talk and under much swearing and cursing they brought their manoeuver to an end. Flying together with this man became more and more excruciating. Worried thoughts about his uncooperative fighter had cost Keeler already many a night’s rest, and knowing the Commanders normally paired fighters and navigators very carefully, Keeler wondered why they had chosen Daphnis of all people for him. Obviously they were incomaptible. And although Keeler kept praying to Mother fervently to prove him wrong he had a vague presentiment that all those troubles were only the harbingers of something even worse about to happen.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all of you that wonder: I assumed that those stories about home Cain was telling Abel in the storage bay-scene were only partially the truth... ;-)

The Enternet connection was really bad in this part of space where the Sleipnir was currently roaming, so videochats were no longer possible and to keep contact with his friends, Keeler had to take to the very oldfashioned writing of mails. Often it was difficult to find some quiet moments to gather one’s thoughts after the workload of the day, and lately Keeler felt so tired the whole day that he was half asleep already when he returned to his cabin. But today after curfew he felt better, so he took his datapad on his lap and settled on his couch comfortably, leaning against the wall with a pillow behind his back. It was calm, Daphnis hadn’t returned from the evening physical training session yet and normally spend the nights drinking and playing cards with his fighter friends anyway. So Keeler started reading. 

The first message was from Marek, which let a big smile appear on Keeler’s face as soon as he saw the sender. Marek was no writing person in general. And after he had flunked machine dynamics, kinematic and mathematics what obliged him to repeat the last academical year as well as the exams while Keeler had gotten promoted, the tension in their somewhat complicated relationship had even increased. But now, Marek sounded rather happy. In his new year, there seemed to be many friendly boys and even a young, french marquis that just transferred and impressed Marek very much bis his aristocratic ways (and surely also by his formidable name, Jules de Bouteville-Montmorency). Keeler was glad Marek had gotten attached to someone, but a bit of sadness always stayed when he thought of his sturdy, polish friend. He had always given him his preference as he was so funny and Keeler liked the sincere affection he showed him. On top of that, Marek was really hot. It was a pity that someday he changed so much and had started to treat Keeler like some kind of curiosity, acting uptight when they were together. Keeler never found out exactly why.

There was a message of Thomas too, of course. Although Keeler never really believed him to be truly in love with him, maybe not capable of being truly in love with anybody as he always had too many irons in the fire, he was glad to have found such a fatherly friend on earth that he could rely on and that constantly delighted him with gossip from the barracks. Keeler wouldn’t have known what do do without Thomas’s help, from the very beginning. The sergeant sent him parcels regularly, filled with everything Keeler asked for, mostly packages of chocolate of which one or more were secretly filled with Eplerenon pills and diuretics for Keeler’s congestive heart failure. Keeler had no idea how Thomas managed to get that stuff, without prescription even, but his office desk seemed to be the center of a big network of widespread contacts. Thomas was adorable, and Keeler wished he could give him a hug from time to time.

The last of Keeler’s messages was by his darling on Mars, his beautiful Jasmin. Keeler still missed her as much as in the first days of their separation. In the beginning of her mail she only wrote about Anna’s brother Alexei aka Sacha, who – small wonder – was in trouble again up to his eyebrows. Not only had this incredible dork stolen money Keeler still regularly transferred to Mars for Jasmin’s bread and butter to spend it on drugs and alcohol instead, no, he also had managed to steal Anna’s shotgun she kept at home in case her husband would show up and shot some asshole in the leg during an illegal shooting match! Keeler could only shake his head about the incurable stupidity of this boy. He wasn’t surprised to read that as soon as Sacha got reported to the police, he was transferred to New Volga Correctional Facility, this time for real and not to be ransomed by some good samaritan. Of course Jasmin was distressed like hell about all that, but honestly, the so called teenage criminal proved true every prejudice about colonials that had ever been put in circulation.

Then however came the part of the message that kicked Keeler right out of his orbit. Jasmin ummed and erred a bit at first and didn’t come to the point directly, but even after reading the passage in question several times, Keeler couldn’t understand her words differently than he already had. No, she hadn’t been raped by some colonial and no, she wasn’t pregnant. But sometime, somehow, apparently Jasmin had fallen in love with Anna. In love. With Anna!  
She excused for it a thousand times, swore that she had never before been interested in women, that she would never have imagined „it“ could simply shift like that. She tried to justify it with the harshness of life on Mars, the distance that lay between her and Keeler, the long time that had passed since the two had seen each other for the last time. 

But Keeler knew that love needed no reason. He couldn’t have expected Jasmin’s feelings to last forever, it was predictable that one day she would meet someone else. But as much as he told himself that, Keeler sat there in shock, staring onto his datapad screen. Jasmin, the girl he loved, was in love with Anna, a girl he didn’t know, a girl that could be of good or of bad character, that could treat Jasmin well or badly, he couldn’t even find out. It looked like Anna loved her back, though, like she had also protected Jasmin in some really bad situations. But Keeler’s mind wasn’t able to process all that any more. He stared on the letters and felt a total emptiness assault him.

Suddenly, the nagging nausea crept up in his body again and in the urgent need to cool his face and wrists to keep him from vomiting, he dragged himself to the bathroom. When he was leaning on the sink miserably, his eyes got caught by his own reflection in the mirror. A pale, girlish face, wide eyes with dark rings under them, floppy white hair hanging down besided pale cheeks. Jasmin could have chosen any boy in the Mother’s home, but had chosen him, the most delicate, the most feminine looking of all. Maybe this hadn’t been a coincidence. Maybe this had already been a sign men weren’t what she really wanted. Anyway, the step from a skinny, petite boyfriend to a skinny, petite girlfriend wasn’t a big step after all.

Later Keeler sat on his bed for a long time still and stared at the picture Jasmin had attached. It showed an oriental princess – his princess hitherto – and a slightly taller Roma beauty hugging a little dark girl with braids. They looked perfectly happy together, beautiful as always, both of them with their long black hair and fine traits. And Keeler felt he couldn’t be mad at her. But he knew one thing: He was completely alone now. There was no prospect anymore to return from space and start a family life on Mars like he had always dreamt. There was no one any more he could think of when he felt homesick and didn’t know where his home was. Keeler had no doubt he still was fulfilling Mother’s plan in fighting as a navigator. But why did she have to make everything so difficult for him now? Was this a sign to abandon unrealistic dreams because they were not part of the bigger plan for him? Or was it that a flawed individual like him had to be more than content with what he got and no right to hope for more?

Now, Keeler‘s home had to be the Sleipnir, his girlfriend the Xanadu, his love his work, there was no other way and he knew it and yet he felt like his heart would break.

Jasmin’s message from Mars started a downward spiral in Keeler’s life that slowly shattered all his confidence and convictions to pieces.

 

On one of the following evenings, when Keeler accidentally was in the cabin preparing material for his lab sessions the next day, Daphnis literally crashed into the room, face bruised and swollen, his uniform a complete mess.

„Jesus Christ, Daphnis!“ Keeler cried as he jumped to his legs, almost dropping his datapad. „What happened to you? Were you attacked?“  
Daphnis growled and went towards Keeler as if he wanted to attack him now for this question. Keeler, aghast, tried to back off.  
„This! This was because of YOU, you stupid little shit! Look what they’ve done to my jacket!“  
Keeler was bewildered. „Because of me? Why? What did I do?“  
Daphnis now screamed him right in the face. „You shit! Did you ever wonder why you’ve never been raped by a gang of fighters in the corridors up to now?“  
Keeler gulped – ‚no‘ was as bad an answer as ‚because I’m a superior‘ or anything of that sort, so he just hushed awkwardly, admitting to himself that he’d really never thought about such a thing.  
„You’re running around flipping your braid and ‚hello‘ here and ‚how are you‘ there – what do you think the fighters think you want, huh? You ever thought about that?“  
Keeler went pale. „You know I never intended...“  
„Of course I know!!!“ Daphnis‘s voice cracked. „You made it very clear the first time we met, remember, you frigid, rotten...“ He interrupted himself, fortunately. „But those are fighters, are you really so stupid you don’t understand? They see a bitch like you, they want to lay you. It’s that easy. They don’t care, and if you were the goddamn queen of the Colterons! They just work like that!“

Keeler bit down his appalled ‚But it’s forbidden‘ and tried to make a step towards Daphnis to calm him instead. „And you fought them...for me?“, he asked.  
But Daphnis bursted out once more. „That’s it! That’s exactly it! Stop beeing so nice and kind and lovey-dovey, and don‘t you dare touch me, you goddamn pussy!“  
„Daphnis, please, calm down. Don’t talk like that. Come on, I take you to the med bay.“  
„Fighters don’t go to the med bay if they still can stand on their own legs!“  
„Then let me at least look at those bruises, I’ve got a great repairing care ointment.“  
Daphnis let himself be dragged in front of the mirror reluctantly and Keeler rummaged in his drawer to find the creme.  
„If you didn’t fly so well, I’d throw you out of the fucking airlock!“

And on and on Daphnis went with his curses and imprecations. But nevertheless, Keeler wasn’t capable to be mad at him. He had protected him against a danger he didn’t even think of. He was deeply grateful and felt ashamed of his ignorance at the same time. Daphnis and him were no friends, probably never would be. But Daphnis had shown, if he wanted or not, that he bore his heart on the right place and was worth some esteem from his navigator. 

Keeler saw him with different eyes after that incident and also was very careful to avoid fighters and to be very cool and harsh when he had to speak with them.


	14. Chapter 14

Then came the next set-back: the long prepared skirmish with the Colterons in NGC 1566. Yes, the Leading team had trained their men thoroughly for it and in the end the Alliance fleet was able to drive the Colterons back into their territory. But the rest of the manoeuver was a miserable failure. 

Alongside other casualties, the troop lost its Lead Navigator and its Lead Fighter as well as their only fighter-navigator-pair able to operate the secret weapon installed on their ship, Tantris and Tristan in the Raleigh. This specially equippped starfighter and two others were total loss, four others were burned out partially. It looked like the Colterons had changed their fighting strategies and became predominant in this war slowly. It was a disaster. 

Of course, the Lead Navigator would have been the first to blame. It was his business to make the starfighters work properly and keep the formation together and make the squadron react to the tactics of the enemy ships. None of this had worked during the battle. The Colterons had been to many and to sly. There hadn’t been a ghost of a chance. And the Lead Navigator was dead.

Keeler had watched the whole carnage on the monitors next to Cook and Bering. He was routinely left behind on the battleship while Arsis was flying, observing the tactic closely, and only the shock of the sight stopped him from screaming out loud when the first ship got hit.  
„Blue team, report!“, Cook shouted into the microphone. „Dragonfly, what happened?“  
Some cracks and strange noises were to be heard, then a feeble voice: „We got hit, sir! The ship is out of control, we’re sinking!“  
„Roger that. Raleigh, opt out! Track them and help!“  
„Help us!“  
„Roger, sir, we’re on our way!“ This was Tantris’s voice, firm and professional as always. Then suddenly, the red dots on the screen changed their formation.  
„Sir, we’ve ‘Terons coming towards us! They’re blocking our way!“  
Keeler held his breath.  
„Raleigh, take them head on, use the drive!“  
„Roger that!“  
Seconds later, the triangle signifying the Raleigh disappeared from the screen as was normal when the ship was teleported. The colteron squadron pursuing them flew a turn as if by command.  
„What are they doing? It looks as if they...“  
„No!“, Keeler screamed, and his squeal resounded from the metal walls of the bridge – or was it from the throats of Cook and Bering? The Commanders stood in horror. The Raleigh had reappeared on the screen, but in the same second was torn apart by a targeted Colteron shot.  
„Raleigh! Raleigh, report!“, Cook screamed, but the message didn’t get through.  
„We’re sinking!“ This was the Dragonfly again, barely audible any more.  
„Sir, there’s a new squadron coming in!“ This was the voice of Arsis who with the red team was in the middle of a fierce combat.  
Bering’s voice sounded rough and broken. „They’re too many, this is suicide!“  
„Lapwing got hit, sir!“  
„Another squadron portside, sir!“  
„We’re running out of shots!“  
„Retreat! Retreat all teams!“, Cook shouted in distress. On the screen all triangles were scattered throughout the battlefield. The formation was entirely broken and the superior forces of the Colterons tracked the sinking ships.  
„Raleigh is coming back to port, sir!“, Keeler observed.  
„All first aid teams ready for emergency!“  
„Roger that!“, and immediately Keeler gave some hasty commands through the comm to Vicks and the firecrew, then ran himself down to the hangar bay as fast as he could.

While detonations illuminated the constellations around the Sleipnir like infernal fireworks, damaged, burning ships came crashing into the bay one by one. Dying soldiers were torn out of the wrecks under atrocious screams, amongst them Arsis and Thesis, and as it was a miracle Tantris had managed to bring the Raleigh back to port, him hugging the bleeding corpse of his fighter was the sight that practically embodied dread.  
Keeler was running through the chaos like the beautiful angel of doom, pushed screaming fighters to the side to make space for the paramedics, directed the fire team to burning ships, guided slightly hurt navigators to the med bay, called Vicks to the ships that needed help most and endured Cook’s furious screams that accompanied all this. Keeler acted without thinking, without feeling, it was like he had become a machine himself. At the border of his perception he registered that Daphnis had much trouble with the fighters that were mad about the fates of their navigators, assailing him with questions where their Lead Fighter was and who was guilty of this failure, but this was really not the moment for discussions. Somehow Daphnis managed to drag the angry men out of the landing bay. Keeler was glad, but he hadn’t much time to think about Daphnis now. His boys needed him, and he stood with them, doing what he could when there was nothing left to be done, pale, shattered, sweating and on the edge of losing his mind.

After the slightly injured fighters and navigators had left, Keeler still sat in the corridor of the med bay, tears streaming down his face, making him blind. He wasn’t able to hold himself back any longer, so he just stopped trying it. He knew he should be used to losing people he cared for, because death had been a faithful companion in the Mother’s home. Yet now these were men he had been responsible for, and it wasn’t just dying, it was planned slaughter. Keeler couldn’t get rid of the devastating pictures in his head. This defeat in battle, the horrible loss of Arsis as well as the image of Tantris clinging to his dead fighter and screaming his lungs out were all more than he could bear. 

After a while, a doctor came out of a surgery nearby. Keeler looked up at him.  
„How...how is Tantris?“, he managed.  
„He’s unscathed, sir, which is good, but he’s in a shock. We gave him Diazepam to tranquilize him, so I think he’ll be able to leave tonight.“ The doctor observed the shattered Lieutenant with compassion. „Sir, maybe a little tranquilizer would do you some good, too?“  
Keeler shook his head weakly. Too risky to take anything that could interact with his heart pills.  
„What about Thesis?“, he whispered instead.  
The doctor looked at him sadly. „We did what we could, Lieutenant, but what shall I say, his injuries affect most of his organs. He’s dying, too. I’m very sorry.“  
Keeler sobbed stronger than ever but tried to wipe his eyes, an image of misery with his unwound hair hanging down alongside his face.  
„Please, may I see him?“  
The doctor frowned. „Are you sure, sir? I mean, he’s a fighter...“  
Keeler stared at him angrily. „First and foremost he is a human being! And he is dying!“ He almost screamed it, clenching his fists, and the doctor shrank back. He was standing in front of a superior after all, no matter in what condition the latter was.  
„Allright, sir. Allright. Of course you can see him. But I advise you, be calm with him. He’s in very bad shape, maybe he won’t notice you at all. Please, follow me.“

The doctor led Keeler towards a small room full of medical equipment all too familiar to Keeler . Hidden behind white curtains which the doctor now drew apart, the Lead Fighter lay on his glass bed, a mask over his nose and mouth and many tubes leading from the machines to somewhere under his blanket. He looked deathly pale despite his dark complexion, his cheeks sunken in, the blood in his hair reminiscent of what horrible injuries were hidden from sight. His eyes were closed, but he didn’t look peaceful. His features were tense and agonized. Keeler walked towards him, and without thinking about it he took his hand softly from the white sheet.

„Sir“, he stammered as he caressed the bruised hand. „Thesis...“ What was he supposed to say? That he came to say goodbye, that the Lieutenant wasn’t alone in his last moments? Keeler knew too well that he WAS alone, and surely Thesis was aware of that, too. He SAW Arsis get hit, and, although terribly injured himself, he managed to log into the navigating programme and fly the burning scrapheap of a starfighter back to the hangar. When the med crew pulled him out of the wreck, he was unconscious already and bathed in blood. And although they tried to reanimate Arsis immediately, it was too late. 

„You’re a hero, sir, do you know that?“, Keeler finally whispered, caressing the hand. „You managed to come back to the mothership alive. You’re in safety now.“  
Keeler had admired Arsis so much, and what he knew and saw about Thesis made him appreciate the talents of this beautiful, strong Lead Fighter, too, that now took his last breaths.  
Just when Keeler wanted to lay down the brown hand again on the blanket, he noticed a movement through the veil of his hair and tears and saw Thesis open his eyes. He looked at Keeler with an expression of total rapture.  
„Are you an angel?“, the Lead Fighter whispered despite the mask hampering it, just loud enough for Keeler to understand, and Keeler pressed one hand on his mouth to suffocate an answer or his sobbing or both, and with the other took Thesis‘ hand again, leaning over him with his loose hair falling on Thesis‘ breast, and trying to smile at him. The deadly hurt fighter smiled now, too, redeemed, and kept staring in Keeler’s eyes like it was Mother herself he saw there. 

Then, after some moments, his eyes closed wearily. Keeler still stood by his side for a long time while Thesis drifted into a coma never to awake again.


	15. Chapter 15

Cook lost no time assembling his officers to evaluate the battle based on the recorded data. But the vacant seats in the conference room made it hard for everyone to proceed to routine.  
Keeler sat next to Puck, his secretary, who chewed on his lip piercing and had tears standing in his red, puffy eyes.   
With Arsis dead, Keeler as LNA was the closest rank to captain now, so it was him Cook observed while accusing the navigators of having made mistakes in tactics for full 30 minutes.  
„Why wasn’t I flying, it should have been me all along“, Keeler whispered wearily while Cook thundered against his incompetent crew. It was custom, though, that the LNA stayed back on the mothership as a substitute while the Lead Navigator was flying the important attacks together with his men.

Cook, after calming down a bit, looked more grimly than ever and stared through his glasses piercingly.  
„Lieutenant, Sergeants, this is hard for everyone, but judging the damages is one thing. Now we have to find a way to go on. We all are deeply affected by the outcome of today’s battle. But we’re in the middle of a war so the troop has to be motivated, and without a Lead Navigator, I see no possibility of achieving this. To keep this ship going and under these extreme circumstances, I suggest to elect Lieutenant Keeler, who is closest in hierarchy and showed excellent accomplishments, to be elicited the new Lead Navigator. I bid you all to raise your hand if you agree with my proposition.“  
Unbelievingly, Keeler watched every man in the room raise a hand and observing him in total silence. Cook nodded.  
„Very good. I declare this election successful. Secretary, please note the result. I will inform the Generals promptly. Lead Navigator Keeler, allow me to congratulate you to your promotion.“  
Cook held out his hand that Keeler, rising, dumbstruckly shook. He felt no happiness nor pride at all, but could read some of it in Puck’s eyes as he glanced down at him.  
„You will get a Lead Fighter assigned as soon as the more important matters are settled. At ease and be seated. Now let’s pass to the analyze of today‘s encounter. I prepared some charts for you. As you can see, the formation right after take off...“

After the assembly, Keeler didn’t feel well at all. Deathly pale, shaking and fighting for his breath he went to his old LNA office with Puck to recollect a bit and think about what his tasks were, now that he was Lead Navigator. He had to call a meeting of all navigators in the auditorium. He knew they all were troubled just as he was. He had to adress them, to calm them, to speak with them about what happened to prevent rumours and to see who needed professional help. Then he absolutely had to oversee the analyses of the damaged starfighters, look what the technicians had to say about the Colteron’s weapons and make them try whatever possible to save the special device from the Raleigh. It would also be adviseable to go and find Daphnis as Keeler needed to know how the fighters were doing, what they were doing, if there was someone who wanted to talk or needed help. Eventually, they had lost their leader, too. 

Falling down into his office chair, Keeler pressed his hands against his chest where a torturing nausea seemed to crush his viscera. This day had shown him all of a sudden what war really was: a brutal, self-destructive monster. Keeler had felt fine for years now, had felt fine in space, even when flying crazy pursuits. But after what happened today, he had the feeling that his body was taking revenge for everything he had enabled Keeler to do. 

Before he could even finish this thought, spasms took the reign over his limbs, cold sweat poured from his forehead and he was almost suffocating while his sight went black. He didn’t notice that he fell forward on the table, that Puck jumped towards him in panic and that he layed him down on the floor. When he was able to open his eyes again, still fighting for air though, he at least managed to stop Puck from calling for help.  
„Please“, he panted, „no med bay. Please...prop me up, don’t lay me...down...it’s worse then.“ Keeler held on to Pucks breast for dear life.  
„Lieutenant! Shit! What’s going on with you? What shall I do? Lieutenant, please, stay with me!“ And Puck stirred like a frantic animal. Keeler had to cling to him with all his remaining force.  
„I said...stay. It’s my heart. I’ll explain...later. Just...hold me!“  
And Puck did, for minutes that extended like hours. When Keeler could breath again normally and the spasms were gone, he looked Puck in his wide eyes very earnestly.   
„Puck, I tell you this only once. You’re the only one that saw me break down like this. This means you’re my confidant now, you’ll stay close to me always and take care of me in case it happens again. But you’ll keep it secret, never speak about it to anyone. If you break this promise, you’ll regret it. Do you understand that?“  
As an answer, Puck only caressed Keeler’s sweaty, cold cheek and in his broken looks Keeler could see his own devastating sight mirrored.   
He spoke very faibly. „Don’t you worry. This has happened before, and it will happen again, we both will get used to it. My heart is tired, and I‘d technically need a pacemaker. I doubt the med team here is able to insert one, though, to say nothing about letting me go back on duty wearing it...But you know what to do now. Just block me off and steady me and wait. This is your special assignment now.“


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me an eternity to edit this, and although I'm not entirely satisfied, I thought I better post it now. Encke's appearance is coming closer and closer! But at first, poor Keeler has to endure some more sorrows...

When Keeler was coming back from his inspection of the damaged ships in the evening, passing the officer‘s wing he witnessed a strange scene going on. Two MPs were brutally dragging a long haired navigator towards Cook’s office door, treating him like a delinquent, roughly pulling his hair and pushing his head down. Reflexively, Keeler runned towards the group to stop whatever was going on with one of his subordinates and was perplexed when he recognized the blonde as Tantris. He still had his bloody flight suit on and tears were running down his agonized face. Did the MPs fetch him right from the med bay? Why?  
The MPs stood at attention as soon as Keeler reached them.  
„What’s going on here?“, he asked, not very politely, eyes narrowed to ice cold stones.  
The MPs didn’t let their victim go. „Order from command, Lieutenant, sir. Captain Cook wanted to see this navigator and send us to fetch him, as he didn’t show up voluntarily.“  
Keeler felt his heartbeat stumble again as he got upset. „That’s no excuse to treat an innocent navigator in such a brutal way! Did the Medical Officer release him from the med bay already? Is navigator Tantris even fit for interrogation?“  
„We found him in his cabin, sir, and the Commander requested to speak to him. That’s all we know.“  
Keeler locked eyes with the miserable bundle the MPs pushed around. He had hoped to get him free, but against Cook’s orders he was powerless. Keeler felt the urge to punch someone.  
„Allright“, he sneered. „So take him to the Commander. But if I see you mistreat one of my navigators again, I’m going to file a complaint against you, is that clear? I’m the Lead Navigator of this ship and these are my men!“  
And while the MPs, taken aback, shouted their „Yes, sir!“, Keeler turned to Tantris, tenderly caressing a streak of his hair: „Be brave. I’ll come to see you afterwards.“  
And as Tantris was pushed into the office a moment later, Keeler furiously continued his way to his cabin.

The new Lead Navigator was deeply concerned by his observation. He felt responsible for his men now more than ever, and as this horrible day came to it’s close, he knocked almost inaudibly on a certain metal door, a cup of steaming tea from the officer’s canteen in his hands. Of course a Lieutenant had the general code to open every navigator’s door, if neccessary. But just as he fought with himself to enter without permission, Keeler noticed that, to his surprise, Tantris’s door wasn’t even closed properly. He pushed it fully open and stood in shock for a short moment: A distorted white figure was lying on a makeshift bed made of two mattresses on the floor, in the middle of the room, not moving. 

Keeler never had seen such kind of bedding before, but didn’t have much time to wonder. He feared so much Tantris could have killed himself that his heart made a painful jump again and so did he, approaching the lying man as quickly as he could with the cup in his hand and of course burning his hand in the process. 

Fortunately, the slender frame on the floor wasn’t dead. Tantris wasn’t even sleeping. His eyes were open and full of tears as he stared into the void. The navigator‘s once white fighting overall he still wore was stained with dried blood as was his blond, long hair that hung loose. It was a picture of pure misery.

Keeler knelt down next to the man once so confident and dignified and looked at him for quite a while, the other showing no visible reaction, not even when Keeler started stroking his hair very carefully.  
„Tantris, it’s me“, he managed eventually. „I wanted to come to see you, to see if you’re...“ What? Okay, after all what happened? It was impossible to say it like that, so Keeler interrupted himself. „...if you needed something. I brought you some tea, thought it might do you some good. I put it on the floor here.“ Keeler spoke to him like to a sick child, very softly and in a low, trembling voice. Tantris didn’t even blink.  
„Is it okay if I sit down here?“, Keeler asked and did so on the mattresses as Tantris didn’t protest. He knew at this point that he wouldn’t get an answer from the navigator, so he decided to just talk to him for a while and then leave him as there was absolutely nothing he could do for the other. He kept caressing the Tantris’s hair, although sticky with blood.

„I... I’m so sorry for what happened today. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only try to imagine how lonely you feel. I know you wish to be with Tristan... where he is now. I know it’s so unfair.“ Here Keeler stopped his monologue because he felt pathetic. It was his job as Lead Navigator to be strong and find the right words even in the most distressing situations. But somehow, he wasn’t capable of it, not today. 

„You have to believe me that it absolutely isn’t your fault“, Keeler went on soothingly. „I looked through the records again. I saw you activated the jump drive in time, you’re absolutely not to blame. The colteron shot got the Raleigh right when you reappeared, just as if they had known where you would show up again. I promise, I will find out how they did this. You have no fault in...“  
Suddenly Tantris stirred a little to rest his head on Keeler’s lap and then started to speak, very feebly and interrupted through sobs.  
„He had them conduct me away like I was a murderer...Had me thrown on the floor in front of him by the MPs, looked like he wanted to spit me in the face... He has never asked if I wanted to have this fucking device in my ship, just decided it...for Tristan and for me...and now he got Tristan killed through it, and it’s me he denounces, it’s me he wants to pay for it!“  
Tantris had become more and more agitated and Keeler was on the alert, although he tried to stay calm.  
„It’s Cook you’re talking about, isn’t it? What did he want from you? Why the MPs?“  
Tantris snuggled closer onto Keelers thigh, hiding his face on it to muffle his sobs, wetting his trousers with his tears.  
„He messaged me to come see him, but I didn’t check my messages. Was in med bay, you know...and then just didn’t want to leave here. Couldn’t move...So he sent the MPs. Ordered me to show him how the device works so he can trigger it, too. I said I don’t know. It just always worked when I flew with Tristan, you know? I never did something to activate it. The thing kind of read thoughts I wasn’t even aware of.“

Keeler interrupted him with the effort to administer him some tea which Tantris weakly sipped. He sat up and leaned into Keeler, resting his head on his shoulder. An onlooker could have taken the two long haired soliders for two sisters comforting each other, beautiful sisters, doubtlessly.  
„When I told him I knew nothing, he got angry. Shouted at me like a madman, insulted me I were a slut and the device failed because of my infidelity. Even threatened me he could blackmail me, said he had material against me. And all the time before he told us we were his best team, his stars, how he would protect us always! And now I’m worthless...unless I accept another fighter and ‚teach‘ him...“ Tantris sneered. „ You tell me: What would a slut do in my place?“  
„Hush, Tantris, please don’t think about it. Cook is very upset about the fleet’s defeat, I can’t explain his outbursts otherwise. He surely can’t expect you to accept another fighter after all what happened today, after all that Tristan and you were to each other. He cannot be in earnest.“

Tantris started crying unrestrainedly so he almost didn’t manage to speak any more.  
„I love him so fucking much! How shall I live on without him? How? We promised each other to stay together forever! I still love him so much, I can’t stop!“  
Keeler hugged the screaming navigator tight. „Tantris, dear, I know! And the truth is, you will probably never stop. The feeling will maybe change a bit, but it will never stop. And it doesn’t have to, you see? This is love! And it will always remain, like Tristan will always be there with you and around you. You will feel it. You will get over the pain eventually... but this takes a lot of time.“ 

The Lead Navigator interrupted himself. „Listen, I’ll talk to Cook again, tell him to send you back to earth together with Tristan, okay? I heard you’re close with his family. Do you want to go there? Will they take care of you, too?“  
Tantris nodded, still sobbing, although suppressedly. „We wanted to marry. Tristan’s parents were so enthusiastic about the ceremony...“  
„Come on, Tantris“, Keeler said. „I’ll guide you back to medical. You need to rest, maybe they can give you something to sleep.“  
„No, I won’t go back there!“, the other burst out, agitated again. „I want to stay here, where Tristan and I were together, where I still can feel him!“  
Keeler nodded. „I understand. But I don’t like the idea of you sleeping here alone tonight, Tantris. I’ll send Sienna over, I know you are friends. I can’t let you stay alone.“  
And putting the body of the navigator back on the mattresses softly, Keeler got up, fumbling for his datapad. Tantris glanced up at him with his big, wet, agonized eyes and tugged Keeler’s trouser leg feebly to make him turn back.  
„Cook will never be able to activate the drive“, he whispered. „But I think you might, sir. You have got what Cook is missing: You have a heart.“


	17. Chapter 17

Two days later, Keeler was called into Cook’s office for an informal meeting with the commanders. He was glad Puck guided him right to the door, because he felt shaky again today and could steady himself a bit under the guise of Puck getting affectionate. Leonin, Cook’s long haired secretary who was waiting in front of the office door, raised an eyebrow. Of course he had seen stranger things happening on this ship than two navigators feeling each other up. But Keeler? Everyone considered him straight as an arrow! He had to ask Cook about it. 

When the „access granted“-sign flashed up on the panel, Keeler turned back towards Puck for a second. The latter nodded encouragingly before staying behind with Leonin.

After the door slid closed behind Keeler, Cook and Bering didn’t turn towards him, let alone interrupt their animated talk. It wasn’t even clear they had noticed Keeler at all – although someone evidently did press the button to open the door. So Keeler stood at attention like a statue, fixated some point on Cook’s desk and tried not to listen to the ongoing conversation.  
„But are you really sure these men are suitable?“, Cook was in the act of asking.  
Bering nodded fatherly. „We’ve already had some of those individuals in the fleet and I assure you, they’ve always been amongst the best fighters.“  
Cook adjusted his glasses. „But this isn’t only about fighting, Johannes. They have to be absolutely reliable, follow our instructions unresistingly, don’t endanger the project...“  
„Believe me, Elias, they would do anything to leave the facility. It’s very easy to extort them, as they’d never want to return to that place.“  
„Right“, Cook consented. But his inquisition wasn’t over yet. „And who will chose the candidates in situ?“  
„I can send a trustworthy scout there who can also check if they’ve got the right orientation, if you understand.“  
„Of course.“ A glance sharp as a knife hit Bering. „So you have no qualms?“  
„None whatsoever.“  
„Allright.“ Cook sighed. „Operation authorized.“

With a satisfied grin, Bering patted Cook’s shoulder and for the blink of an eye seemed to graze his cheek – a gesture so astonishing Keeler almost doubted what he saw. Generally, the part of their talk Keeler had been able to overhear raised a lot of questions. It wasn’t difficult to deduce some kind of special project was going on. But just as he wondered what the mysterious facility could be, the Commanders turned towards Keeler simultaneously, Cook adjusting his collar a bit, but with unreadable countenance as always.

„Ah, Lead Navigator Keeler. At ease, please.“  
Keeler relaxed his posture and folded his hands behind his back like he often did while greeting the much taller men with respect and a smile.  
Cook’s corners of the mouth moved slightly. „Thank you for joining our little private meeting. I don’t want to beat around the bush, Lieutenant. We’ve got a problem. Now that the Raleigh is destroyed, our most powerful weapon has gone, too, and Project Thebes is in danger.“  
Cook paused, mustering Keeler who was disturbed by the fact that Cook indeed never considered Tantris and Tristan as human beings but solely as weapons, as tools for war.  
„You know about Project Thebes?“  
Keeler, although sure this made him part of the scheming, decided to be honest, but to conceal the information he got from Tantris.  
„I heard something about it from Lieutenant Arsis, sir. I also saw one of the devices once and I know one was installed on the Raleigh. But as Arsis was personally in charge for this ship, I don’t know how Tantris and Tristan triggered it.“  
„Nobody knows how exactly they did it, but there seems to be a condition for it that you might know of. Tantris and Tristan were special. Do you know why?“  
Keeler suddenly shivered uncomfortably under Cook’s icy look. „They were in love, sir“, he mumbled, casting his eyes down.  
„Correctly“, Cook confirmed sourly. „So you know what I expect from you. To replace these two, we urgently need new fighter-navigator-pairs that do more than work together.“  
Here Bering, who had listened silently until now, solicitously entered the talk: „It’s a pity Lieutenant Keeler and LFA Daphnis didn’t come into question as substitutes, don’t you think so, Elias? I mean, a ho...er, highly talented navigator, a decent enough looking fighter...“  
Cook put him off, shaking his head disdainfully. „It’s not that easy, Johannes. You have to be in love. And even that does not neccessarily mean reacting emotionally in every situation instead of judging it rationally – which is especially true for navigators, trained to be intellectual, not passionate.“ 

Then, turning to Keeler again, he continued: „Lieutenant Keeler, listen. Now that Arsis is deceased, we need you to replace him - as leader of that plan.“  
Keeler had expected it to go that way, but could barely subdue how much he hated the idea of using and abusing the love between people for war. Cook had read his masters thesis, and even if he hadn’t he should know there were other possibilities of governing a starfighter – possibilities that didn’t even endanger people’s lives. Of course they were still at the experimental stages, but wouldn’t it be wiser to invest here than to devote oneself to one unpredictable enemy-device that had already failed?

But of course Keeler was neither in a position nor shape to argue with the commanders. So he asked meekly: „What am I about to do?“  
„You watch your navigators closely and report those to us that meet our demands: impressible, easy to seduce, uncontrolled and emotional in their reactions to every matter. I know it means finding the needle in the haystack. But Project Thebes is our last chance to change tack and make the Alliance win this war, therefor we need special navigators for which Joh...er, captain Bering will then find the compatible fighters. Of course the whole plan has to stay an absolute secret matter. You’re accountable that no information about it whatsoever leaves this room!“ 

Cook watched Keeler very sternly for some instant. Then, suddenly, a little, cold smile crept up to his otherwise so tight lips and made Keeler shiver again.  
„As far as you’re concerned, Lieutenant, don’t worry, there's hope, too. You will get a Lead Fighter assigned as soon as possible. Captain Bering said he already had someone in mind.“  
The mentioned one nodded. „Yes. I made some inquiries and found a very promising candidate on earth, offspring of a very good family, excellent scores, impeccable records, he’ll suit you. He’s already on his transfer to the Sleipnir as we speak.“  
Cook interjected: „I hope you took into account that our Keeler here is a delicate flower?“  
And while Bering nodded and Keeler still stood bewildered about this conversation going on above his head, Cook turned towards Keeler again and continued schoolmasterly:  
„Although you are a little genius when it comes to programming and the navigators love you for your motherly ways, I dare say there’s still a...physical side of military life you didn’t quite figure out up to now. I want you to tackle this with your Lead Fighter once you have him, see what you can achieve, do you understand me?“  
Keeler wasn’t sure if he understood, he still couldn’t believe what kind of orders he was just listening to, found Cook’s allusions disgusting and was very much surprised to hear himself muble a „Yes, sir.“  
Cook smiled again.  
„See, Keeler, and this is what I liked about you since the beginning. You look just like a very nice kid, but in you’re heart you’re a savvy tactician. I’m very content. Dismissed.“


	18. Chapter 18

The next morning, Keeler stood at attention in front of Bering’s desk, neat and elegant with the flash of the Lead Navigator on his shoulder, waiting to get his Lead Fighter assigned. He felt almost no curiosity about the matter and no great inclination to share his room with another stranger again, to say nothing of testing compatibility in the simulators again, optimizing their operations accordingly again, wearing themselves out again. While Bering, almost sitting on his tabletop somewhere between his usual relaxed and uptight manners elaborated the importance of Project Thebes one more time, Keeler‘s eyes rested on the elder’s dark, hairy hands Thomas had loved so much. Would he do so still if he knew about all those machinations played out here in deepspace? Would he dare to intervene? And what would the commanders say if they knew that Keeler for the first time had no willingness whatsoever to follow their orders, namely those concerning a certain ‚physical side of military life‘?

When the new Lead Fighter finally was called in and the door opened, Keeler couldn’t believe his eyes. This was the tallest, strongest fighter he had ever seen on this ship, a Goliath, a true killing machine with arms and thighs thick as a vessel’s mast. The man wore dark fighter’s fatigues, had brown, shiny skin the colour of Keeler’s last auxiliary-chocolate, wore a short mohawk and on his face a look of pure threat. Yes, he even smelled like danger. There was no doubt a beefcake like that would snap Keeler like a twig for the slightest reason. Whas this really ‚the most trustworthy of Bering’s crew‘, the ‚decent fighter without criminal records‘ Cook had promised him? 

Apparently, for Bering had transferred him from earth especially for this job. „Encke“ was his name. At least he was a gap, too, Keeler thought. He had never been able to surmount the bridge to his corresponding moon, so maybe two united gaps was the better solution. In a gap there was emptiness, and consequently nothing left to fight about. 

Encke looked inscrutable, his dark eyes narrowed to slits. For safety’s sake, Keeler avoided looking at him too much and remained silent on their way to the elevator and even inside. But after some minutes, he found his own anxiety foolish. He didn’t know this man and he looked still young, so there was a chance this wouldn’t be a second Daphnis. However, a censored behaviour had become so natural for Keeler he almost had to bring himself to smile up at the Encke-Goliath next to him. The result was not quite as beaming as the way he normally smiled at his navigators, but somehow he succeeded. Then, as a second step, Keeler started talking to break the silence. He chatted nothing important, but at some point, Encke seemed to blush and Keeler startled. He had expected the fighter to react aggressively to his cheery attempt, but him blushing over trifles took Keeler by surprise. Had he already made a gaffe?

Their new bunk in the officers wing with it’s big porthole in the middle was really luxurious compared with the metal cell Keeler had inhabitated until now. He had become wiser, too, and let the fighter choose his bedside first before getting disappointed again. There was much awkwardness between the two men and Keeler noticed Encke couldn‘ t stand to be looked in the eye. He never smiled back, either. 

Keeler was very much surprised when it turned out that this giant, muscular man was a commander’s son raised for an Alliance career. So he had expectations. And the feeling of owing his family. Maybe even he never had a choice at all. Keeler gulped hard. Bering wasn’t only eccentric, he was a real bastard to pair such an idealistic, duteous soldier with a pampered invalid like him. It would be difficult like hell to hide his past from him, this chain of shameful lies that brought him unto this ship and even made him Lead Navigator when all fate had destined for him would have been death in a prison cell. Mother alone had enabled him to become one of the chosen men raised to experience the ultimate freedom of the endless space. He had always known that one day, he had to repay her for this. But the longer he watched his fighter, Keeler was sure that he, too, had payed some price in his life. Keeler was curious to learn more about him.


	19. A space love story

Solomon had been prepared for a military career since his childhood. Being the only child of two Alliance Commanders, he had learned early to follow orders, to be righteous, correct, disciplined, show all the virtues of a soldier. He had been prepared to live in military boarding schools and when it turned out he wasn’t as sharp and quick as his navigator mum but rather strong and courageous like his fighter father, he had been prepared for entering the Alliance Fighter Training Academy of West Africa. 

But never had anybody prepared him for the situation he found himself in now. A pale little elf was standing in front of him. Sad, clear blue eyes that seemed to scan his soul down to the bottom, a long braid of silky hair like Solomon had never seen it before and a small, willowy body made his mind turn round and round like the famous circle in a spiral. He was almost unable to process what Commander Bering was saying, what this beautiful blonde was saying later, he only knew that this was the Lead Navigator of the Sleipnir, his Lead Navigator, the reason why he had been transferred from earth on purpose and crowned with an unexpected promotion. 

Solomon, task name Encke now, was so confused by the unknown emotions his navigator awakened in him he feared losing it and therefore plunged into his Lead Fighter business immediately, getting to know his men, getting the whole stupid brawling done about who was the alpha of the pack and then bleeding the men dry in the gym. But at the end of the day, he had to return to his cabin and to this intriguing fairy whose beauty left him speechless and whose goodness slowly thawed Encke’s hardened fighter spirit. And after some days of waving at each other shily past the mess hall and sharing conspiratorial glances in the labs Encke finally understood what was wrong with him: He was in love. Totally in love. Absolutely smitten. And probably the happiest man in space because now everything in his life seemed to make sense. But it wasn’t quite that simple. 

Encke had been raised and trained very strictly, always drilled into doing things by the book. He could recite most of the paragraphs of the Alliance Fighter Guidebook by heart and of course he knew that fraternization with a navigator (and supposedly also the wish for it) was strictly forbidden. The guidebook said nothing about loving a man in general, though, and he had witnessed much crazy shit going on between barracked fighters. But for a Lead Fighter, this of course had to be a taboo. There was not even a reason Keeler should see this matter differently. And besides: What had Encke to offer him except a heap of muscles and a pair of trained fists? Those were not the things that normally impressed genteel navigators. 

So this was the dilemma Encke tried to figure out day after day, fighting all of his feelings and his physical longing for Keeler by trying to avoid the tempting privacy of the cabin, changing in the bathroom only, turning to the wall when Keeler combed his hair and closing his eyes in despair whenever Keeler prayed to Mother before sleeping. He tried to shield from the inviting cheeryness Keeler portrayed, tried to frown at him, to close himself off. But in the end, he failed miserably. He was unable to suppress the strange happiness that befell him whenever his job let him spend time with his precious navigator - the most beautiful, most perfect human being he ever laid eyes on. 

So ever since Encke relinquished, he got along with Keeler exceedingly well. His flying abilities, this mixture of technical perfection and coldblooded killing, impressed him deeply as did Keeler‘s sociable ways in dealing with his subordinate navigators. Sharing a room with him felt like they had been doing nothing else for the last ten years. Although Keeler was a bit of a chaot sometimes, he didn’t let lie dirty clothes around, had no smelly feet, no penetrant deodorant, no annoying habits, yes apparently not even possessions. With Keeler it was possible to hang out together after the workload of the day, having a tea while planning the next manoeuvers, analyzing the most frequent mistakes of the recruits and discussing the problems of certain individuals and having a lot of fun doing so. 

Sometimes in such situations Keeler would lean into Encke a bit or let his fingers trail over Encke’s strong arms absentmindedly, and then Encke dug his nails into his fists as deep as he could to stop himself from doing something stupid. He compelled himself to maintain his affected indifference, but the other really didn’t make it easy for him. Encke couldn’t count anymore how often he had only feigned dozing when Keeler still had to do some programming after curfew. While listening to his music and resting his sore body on his bed, he from time to time had stolen secret glances of his navigator, heartbreakingly beautiful in the half light with his open hair falling down his cheeks.

On his datapad Encke had a photo of Keeler Puck had taken and secretly sent him. It showed Keeler when he was fresh on the Sleipnir, working on the Xanadu in the landing bay, posing like a model in a white overall while his open hair flew in the wind of the turned on engines. He really looked like Lieutenant sexy in this picture: bold, happy and healthy, laughing about himself and the situation with that special glow Encke adored. Encke found this picture captured Keeler’s personality perfectly and loved watching it during boring briefings or when he was alone in the cabin. He knew, though, that the background of Keeler’s datapad showed a colonial girl wearing a chapka, and he could guess too well what that meant: that Keeler was courageous with a tendency to crazy to date that kind of girl as an earth man, that for sure, but also that first and foremost he was interested in women. Even if Encke dared to finally make an approach, it was clear how it would turn out.

Despite this reality, Encke loved Keeler so much it physically hurt. Often he was wondering why the other navigators and especially the fighters on this ship handled Keeler so indifferently. Even if a man was straight, it usually didn’t scare fighters off. Didn‘t they see just how beautiful and perfect Keeler was?  
One day, Encke found out that they actually DID see. He overheard a conversation between some fighters in the gym, fighters of which he knew they chased handsome navigators to show them around like trophys. It came to light that they would very much like to but didn’t dare to come near Keeler because they were afraid of Encke, assuming the Lead Team was sleeping together and Encke would protect his possession aggressively. Shocked, Encke tried to remember in what situation he could have disclosed his true feelings for the Lead Navigator. He had never touched the man except in his secret fantasies. And yet they were perceived as a couple?

Later that day, Encke ventured to ask Keeler about his impressions of him and was even more troubled when Keeler bluntly admitted that he’d been frightened of Encke the first days, too. Frightened of him - the man he loved! Encke felt like the biggest loser in space.  
„Don’t worry“, Keeler then said with his usual smile somewhere between flirty and amused, putting a cool hand on poor Encke’s cheek, „Somehow it just stopped.“

As much as Encke tried to hide his infatuation from Keeler, the Lead Fighter at times got the feeling his navigator was hiding something from him, too. Keeler sometimes left the simulator abruptly in the middle of training, then sometimes disappeared in the evening, too, and spend the night in his office or at least said so. Their once so perfect flight scores went to shit during that time and Encke was even summoned to have to answer to Bering. Day after day and especially when Keeler started to look more and more exhausted the evenings, Encke fought his urge to simply fold him in his arms and ask him what was wrong. He fought his longing for familiarity because he told himself that they already shared what was there to share in a war, that space was not the place for a relationship, let alone a forbidden love. 

But the day came when Encke finally was able to hold his lover close, like in his sweetest dreams, only that now Keeler was half dead and icy cold while Encke was torn between the bliss of physical proximity and the maddening fear of what had befallen Keeler. In the end, he lost control and breathed countless little kisses on his hair and forehead to maybe kiss him better, not knowing how to help him otherwise. And to his great surprise, Keeler didn’t shrink back. He even seemed to lean into it, and Encke held and kissed him until the seizure was over. 

Later Keeler told him the biggest part of his sad story, and Encke tried his best to hide his shock. He had never been confronted with flawed people before, yes, he didn’t even know they still existed on earth, so he had no idea how to deal with them. He couldn’t believe that beautiful and talented individuals like Keeler were just locked away to die in obscurity or in the best case work their asses of as slaves without even being given a chance. Encke had sworn an oath to serve earth with his life. But what kind of society was he even defending?

For Encke it was clear some disease would never curtail his feelings for this little man next to him. He would do what he could to keep his secret a secret, because Encke understood that his job was everything to Keeler and he lived for it, he understood that perfectly because he was indoctrinated since childhood that this was how it was supposed to be for a real Alliance member. Encke admired Keeler for having risked so much to escape from his prison and to fight for humanity into the bargain. Strangely, he didn’t even think about Keeler’s seizures endangering his life, too. It somehow had no importance as long as they still had a little time together, time to get to know each other, time to develop something what didn’t look so impossible anymore. So thanks to the eyes of love, Encke became pretty good in foreseeing Keeler’s attacks, better even than Keeler himself who notoriously downplayed his symptoms. And if Puck wasn’t on his side, it was Encke now, watching over him, and he felt this was the place where he belonged.

Encke lay on his bed breathing calmly, not moving, totally absorbed in the music flooding through his body. Dreamlike to follow those high-pitched, clear voices interweaving solemnly in an endless chain of cadenze fuggite, the continuous wave moving upwards and downwards being of a sensual beauty not to be compared with anything here in space: not the clean perfection of the machines, not even the majesty of the distant stars. This was an entirely earthly beauty, and even when his homeplanet seemed to have lost most of it during the centuries, this languor was the thing Encke probably missed most.  
It were peaceful evenings on the Sleipnir when Encke could allow himself to drift off like that, knowing his white half was close to him, completing the feeling of entirety the music evoked, sitting on the other bed programming silently. Or wasn’t he working at all? Encke suddenly had a vague feeling of being watched, so he opened his eyes to find Keeler sitting on the edge of his couch, pale and beautiful, slowly braiding his hair and observing Encke with a smile. The fighter took the headphones out of his ears. 

„Did you say something, Keeler?“, he asked. And before he could even process what was happening, the blonde settled on the edge of the fighter’s couch, leaning over him and closing his mouth with cool, slow, demanding kisses. Encke was so stunned he let himself be lured into it compliantly, caressing Keeler’s cheek, his other hand tenderly holding the navigator’s slim waist. Keeler really was a person to smudge the borders, feeling him in one’s arms he could be everything, a girl, a boy, a thrilling ambiguity that drove Encke out of his mind.  
After what felt like eternity, Keeler interrupted the kiss with a smile.  
„I wanted to do that to you for such a long time already“, he admitted mischievously.  
Encke blushed. „Really? You could have, I mean, I thought you knew I...“  
Keeler giggled, slowly caressing Encke‘s face. „I was too foolish to trust you, can you imagine that? Maybe even afraid... You’re the best partner I’ve ever had, Encke, I was scared to lose you by doing something you wouldn’t want. It was stupid, wasn’t it? Because: What do we have to lose?“  
„Our job“, Encke answered matter-of-factly.  
Keeler chuckled again. „Oh Encke, my sweet child. This isn’t the barracks. You would be perplexed to know what even the commanders are doing behind closed doors.“  
„You would be perplexed to know what the fighters are doing“, Encke smirked.  
„So why shouldn’t we?“  
Encke’s breast suddenly felt too tight. „I don’t know, Keeler, after today – your heart –maybe you...“  
„Shh“, and Keeler let his hands trail over this perfect, smooth, chocolate skin, imbibing Encke’s distinctive smell of sunburned sand, salty breeze and oriental spices. „Start low, go slow, like my sweet surgeon used to say.“  
Encke startled. „What, you slept with your surgeon?“  
„Mother, no!“, Keeler burst out laughing. „No, no, no. I was thirteen and he was talking about medication, of course. But“, Keeler added seductively, „you know, it’s always the name of the game.“  
Encke sighed, giving in finally. „Then come here“, he said, pulling Keeler down for another kiss and the elastic out of his hair in the same movement.

Finally, finally all the tension was gone, all those unspoken worries of not being good enough, of not hitting the right chord on Keeler, of being blocked by his feeling of duty. Yes, this was war, so all those expectations of his family didn’t matter any more. If there still was peace somewhere, it was right here with this angel in his arms that had kept him alive kindly during so many patrols already and, not less crucial, during the tedious routines of the days.

If ever two men belonged together, it was Encke and Keeler. And if someone had any doubts about it, he was proven wrong by the wordless understanding between the two, smudging the borders, too, between black and white, fighter and navigator, strong and weak. When the Xanadu was departing for a dangerous mission now, Encke and Keeler would lock their eyes for an instant before climbing into the ship as a silent vow of what was between them: love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. This is technically the end of this whole, very long story about my favourite Lead Navigator.
> 
> I'm almost a bit sad my long-cherished plot came to it's close now, but it comforts me that thanks to Hamlet Machine Keeler can at least have some sort of redemption for his fate here in the form of Encke. Let's just hope they'll make it to the end!
> 
> I thank all of you for keeping it up and reading thus far, and as always, any comments and constructive criticism are very much appreciated!
> 
> Fare thee well, Keeler. :-*
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: And because finishing something is so hard, you can still turn over for a fluff-epilogue with the Leading Team.


	20. Epilogue

Two weeks later

The alarm went off at 5:00 as usual and with it’s unnerving sinusoidal tones ripped Encke brutally out of his pleasant dreams. Getting up this early already was endlessly difficult because there was no rising sun ever to brighten the sky, but having a beautiful blonde in one’s arms didn‘t make the thing easier at all. Despite his tiredness, Encke had enough wits to quickly fold his arms around his navigator before the said could jump out of bed like he normally did.  
„Noooo“, Encke moaned.  
Keeler smirked and tried to free himself from the trap. „Yes of course, dear! It’s time for morning physical training. Come on, Lieutenant!“   
Keeler managed to disentangle himself from Enckes strong arms, but only because the latter let him go voluntarily. 

Encke was glad to see Keeler so full of energy in the morning. Maybe the little activity yesterday evening had done him some good? Encke smiled dreamily while Keeler disappeared in the shower. It wasn’t that sleeping with Keeler was an easy thing, this surely not. Although the navigator always declared that he wasn’t made of porcelain and this undoubtedly was the truth because Keeler could stand a lot considering his bad state of health, yet when making love to him a partner had to be creative these days. In most positions Keeler was in pain or got sick. And on most of the evenings he was so worn out that he already had one foot in the med bay anyway. Yesterday, though... Encke sighed and snuggled into the pillow. With Keeler it really was another matter than the brutal fighter sex his subordinates usually performed. Of course Encke had secret dreams, too, but when he was honest, he was more than content to take what Keeler was able to give. As men aged, such unrealistic fantasies had to be abandoned anyway. Encke wished so much to survive this war and to spend the rest of his life with Keeler as his dear husband. He could already see himself and his navigator as retirees, wearing strawhats while deadheading the roses in the garden behind their little white house...

„Encke! If you won’t get up now, your fighters will file complaints! What’s wrong? You’re not sick, aren’t you?“ And Keeler, dressed to the nines, braid perfectly placed, already started to look fairly worried as he bent down to finger Encke’s forehead .  
Encke started and threw the blanket away, folding his long limbs out of the bunk. „I’m fine, Keeler, just tired. Come on, off with you!“ And Encke made his way to the bathroom.   
Keeler stopped. „Hey...See you at 8:00, for breakfast?“  
„Yeah, yeah“, Encke answered from behind the door.  
„See you too for lunch later, then for ship repair at 15:30 and for the commander’s meeting at 19:00. And don’t forget, it’s laundry day! We have a lot!“  
„Yeah, yeah“, Encke repeated.   
Keeler grinned. „Encke, babe?“  
Encke stuck his head out of the door crack. „What is it, Lieutenant?“  
Suddenly a tiny, cool kiss closed his mouth. „I love you.“   
And blushing and giggling, a blonde girl named Keeler ran out of the cabin to start her working day.


End file.
